Faces
by ElleLaw
Summary: It's funny how when we fall in love everything seems achievable, but as we age and grow the world can suddenly seem so difficult. And in those moments when tragedy strikes your whole perspective can change in an instant. At least, that is what seems to happen for Alex Cabot when she is faced with losing everything she loves the most.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So, I hate to start new projects before another is finished, but two ten hour car trips caused this one to happen. The idea played in my head nonstop. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

Prologue:

The summer sky above seemed to explode in a myriad of colors as the dark waters of Puget Sound rushed along the hull of the boat as Casey steered it towards a particular stretch of coast. The world looked like a painting by Monet the colors seeming to mix in the perfect combination. It was absolutely breathtaking and she knew this was the perfect moment.

Turning the sailboat into the calm, she looked across the boat finding the reason she was even in this place. Long blonde hair flowing freely in the wind as the objection of her affection looked out onto the waters hoping to spot a whale. It was non other than her girlfriend of three years, Alexandra Cabot.

Watching as she turned with a bright smile plastered to her face, laughing in her direction, Casey knew this was it. Beauty is what this woman was made of inside and out. It was the whole reason Casey had planned this evening.

Slowing the vessel, Casey steered them closer to shore before anchoring off the sound. Walking to the bow of the boat she found her girlfriend staring off at a green light on a distant dock to an old home. "What are you looking at?"

"That gorgeous home," Alex said with a look of desire evident, "I want to live there some day."

Casey stared at the aged shake sided home. It looked as if it were built 50 to 60 years earlier. It had multi levels, a wrap around porch, green space and a long dock with a very Gatsby green light on it. The only part Casey liked was the dock.

"I will build you a nice new house on the water," she replied.

"Ha," Alex snorted, "You might be an amazing architect but I don't want you to build me a house. I want a home with character."

"You can't use your skills as an interior designer to add character?"

"No, age is what provides character."

With that knowledge, Casey sighed, "That means you want a money pit."

Turning to let the redhead wrap her arms around her, Alex tucked her face into her girlfriend's neck enjoying the smell of her perfume, "Yes, but I want a money pit with you."

"Then," Casey started, "Once I make it big I'll buy you that house. But first, you have to agree to something."

Alex pulled back to look into Casey's eyes with a puzzled expression, "To what?"

"To spend your life with me," She softly said as she bent down on one knee, "I am so in love with you Alexandra. I can't imagine life without you in it. I want to experience everything with you always. The good, the bad, everything. Will you do me the honor and be my wife?"

The look of shock was clear on the blonde's face as she simply stared at her girlfriend. It was only when her eyes spotted the sparkle of a diamond that reality hit. "Yes! Oh my god yes!" She squealed as she fell into her fiancés arms.

Slipping the diamond ring on her finger Casey kissed her softly before settling in to watch the sunset with her in her arms. She knew she was blessed to have found Alex so early in life. Their journey so far had been filled with love and adventure and she couldn't wait to see what the future had in store for them. Looking at the beautiful woman curled into her, she couldn't figure out how she'd gotten so lucky.

* * *

Chapter 1:

Eight years later...

"Melanie, give me a second," Casey huffed into the phone. "I just have to pass Christine off to the ski instructor-"

"Can't Alex handle her?" The frustrated assistant snapped.

"No Alex can't," she explained as she tried to drag her squirming daughter along, "She's putting Conner down for a nap then taking one herself. You know how pregnancy gets."

"Mama," Christine squealed, "is it my turn yet?"

"Soon," she pacified her child as she redirected her attention to the unhappy brunette on the phone, "Listen, Melanie, as soon as I get Little Chris in her lesson and get back to the lodge I will call you back."

Her infuriated assistant was clearly not happy with this answer as she argued the time schedule. "You know we have less than 24 hours. You are seriously risking this job."

"I understand the timing, but this is a yearly family vacation for us. If they want a Novak design then they will wait for me to return the new blueprints-"

"Mama!" Her five year old daughter squealed as she pulled at her arm. The little blonde was clearly annoyed by her working.

"Just a second, honey," she attempted to soothe, before giving her attention back to her assistant, "Listen, I will drop her off and go pull the blueprints. Her lesson is two hours, so I should be able to reconfigure the atrium in that time."

This time her best worker bee seemed pleased with her response which was a godsend since it was almost Christine's turn to be logged in with the instructors. "Hey, Mel, I've got to go. As for the AC project, exposed beams and marine blue."

Another round of sighs filled the line as the younger woman was displeased with the new information, but Casey ended the call. Sometimes it was nice to be the boss. When the call was done it was done.

Reaching the instructor, she smiled, "I have one skier."

"Mama!" Her little mini-Alex squealed again.

"And what's your name?" The friendly young twenties gentleman asked the little girl only to earn a frown.

Casey laughed, "Go ahead, introduce yourself." However, no introduction came. "Sorry, we've been working on not talking to strangers. Let me start over, I'm Casey Novak," she said holding out her gloved hand to the younger man.

"I'm Elliot Stabler," he replied, "It's nice to meet you. And who is this little snow bunny?"

"This is Christine Novak-Cabot."

"I also go by Little Chris," the five year old replied, as she looked up to the young instructor, her blue eyes sparkled just like her mother's would when peeked with curiosity. "I'm named after my grandmother. She's Big Chris."

"Well, those are fine names," Elliot replied, "Would you like to come with me? I have a bunch of kids your age ready to learn to ski."

Again a frown fell on her daughter's face, as she scowled at her, "Mommy said you were going to teach me to ski!" She yelled at Casey.

Eyes wide, Casey gave the instructor a sheepish smile before squatting down to speak to her child, "I know she did. But Mommy didn't know that I have some important work to finish. So, this way you get to learn to ski, and I can finish my work. Then afterwards I will take you skiing down a real slope. Okay?"

"Fine," the younger girl sighed walking to the instructor.

Standing Casey couldn't help but notice the similarities between her child and her wife. Both blonde with striking blue eyes, and both completely able to leave her speechless in seconds. "I'll pick you up in two hours!"

There was no response from her child, just a look over the shoulder as she trudged through the snow following her group.

* * *

Sitting in the lodge at a back table away from the crowd, Casey had her tablet out along with the most current outspread blueprint that Melanie had delivered to the resort that morning. She knew Alex would be furious to know she was working, but there was no time left in this deadline. Either she finished this and secured the contract once and for all, or she had to start over with a new client. At this point, she didn't have that kind of luxury.

Her current project was taking an existing fine arts museum in Seattle and updating it to the new sleek modern look that she was known for producing in her work. The only problem was how they wanted to keep their aged out atrium with the expansion and remodel. The structure would have to be updated for code and safety purposes, but the benefactors did not like her designs for it. Moving several aspects around and reconfiguring metals, weights, and sizes she finally felt that she'd achieved the perfect layout.

Sitting back in her seat, she examined her work. It wasn't a typical Novak design, but she thought they might approve it since it seemed more cohesive with the original atrium. Picking up the tablet she saved the changes and forwarded them to Melanie before packing up. It was only when she heard a familiar small child say, "Bad Mama." That she looked up to see a scowling Alex holding their 2 year old son Conner.

"Hey, babe," she tried to soothe knowing she was about to be fed to sharks. "How was your nap?"

"I can't believe you left Christine in a ski class to work. What is wrong with you?" Alex chided as she set their son down and placed a hand on her very swollen belly.

Walking towards her wife, she shook her head, "They hated the atrium, it had to be redesigned today. If they like this one it's a done deal, and I can relax till after the baby comes."

"Stop lying to me," Alex sighed as she looked out onto the snow and the late afternoon sky.

"Lying?" She questioned. She knew she was a workaholic at times, but she never lied to her wife.

"Yes, Casey, lying. You always say you will work only this much more before taking a break and spending that time with me and the kids, but each time you get a new proposal you run after it. I'm tired of it. It's the same story, and then within a month or two you are right back on another project. It's not like we are hard up on money. Take a break. Spend time with me and the kids. Take your daughter skiing for Christ-sakes!"

"I took three months off right at the end of the summer," Casey argued as she folded up her blueprints.

The response only earned a long sigh from her wife, "Yeah, you say you did. But I heard you mumbling to Melanie on the phone the whole time about that other project. The one you don't like to discuss because it's for the high profile client that you swear once the project is finished you will direct my services to. Do you realize the last time I had a project? It was 5 years ago. Do the math Casey. Whose been raising our kids? Me!"

"You always said you wanted to raise the kids. And you can't say that I'm not around Alexandra, because I am. I'm about to take Christine skiing," she defended.

Alex just shook her head at her wife, "Check your watch. You are an hour late to pick her up. How did you think I knew you put her in a ski lesson? They called the villa."

Casey sat down at the table defeated by the truth, watching as their little red headed boy ran up to her. "I'll make it right," she assured as she looked up to her now tearful wife. "I'll fix this, I promise."

Alex swallowed thickly, fighting back the onslaught of tears that wanted to break free. "I don't think you are capable of fixing this..." With that Alex turned to leave, "I'm going to get Christine."

"Hey, wait, I'm taking her skiing!" Casey tried to call out, but Alex didn't stop to listen, she just walked away.

* * *

Two days later...

Sitting alone at the table in the restaurant, Alex rubbed her seven month belly. Soon she'd be caring for another tiny human and still waiting for her wife to show up. Looking to the empty chair, and half drank glass of wine that sat at Casey's place, she wondered where things had gone so wrong in their relationship.

There was a time when they would leave their phones in the car to eat here. Back when they lived off of the other's company. The time when they spent nights making love and mornings having lazy coffee on the couch while they talked about making it big.

Shaking her head, she realized that was back when they did small projects and lived in the small craftsman's style house. Smiling she remembered how the nicest thing they owned then was Casey's sailboat her dad had left her. But it hadn't taken long for life to change so quickly.

They'd gotten engaged and Casey landed the hospital expansion project, then the luxury apartments, then the university...before long they were leaving the house behind for a penthouse apartment in a building Casey built. Alex was at first bummed about the location, but it was then that Casey had mentioned having kids.

Feeling a crushing despair overtake her, Alex spotted the waiter, and quickly flagged him down. As he approached he asked, "Can I get you something while you wait, Ms. Cabot?"

"No, Paul," she replied with her best fake smile as she passed over her Amex, "I'd just like to pay. I don't think Ms. Novak will ever be off her work call and I'm tired."

With an understanding nod, he left her to run the card. Staring at the empty table, Alex couldn't help but feel like it was symbolic of the emptiness of her marriage. She loved Casey, but sometimes love wasn't enough to make a relationship last. Maybe this was her sign.

Feeling the baby inside of her move, she wondered what the hell she'd been thinking at the end of summer when they'd transferred the last embryo. She knew back then that their marriage was in trouble, yet she'd gone ahead and gotten pregnant. It wasn't that she didn't want this baby as much as she wanted her other two children, it was just she felt guilty bringing another child into this family.

Fighting off tears, she swallowed hard as she dug her fingernails into her palms. She needed to not be hormonal. She had to stay clear headed. When they'd started having children she and Casey had both harvested eggs. In the end, three of Casey's and four of Alex's had made it to blastocysts.

Yet, Casey hadn't been able to make it past 6 weeks anytime she'd conceived that first year. After the third miscarriage, she didn't want to try herself again. So, Alex had carried every baby, with only one embryo not taking on the first go.

In the end, Christine was biologically Alex's and Conner and the new baby were Casey's. Feeling the baby move, she rubbed her belly again, trying to urge the tiny being into a new position, as she thought about how biology hadn't mattered. They were a family, a solid ship moving together as one. At least, that's what she'd wanted to believe until now.

"Hey," Casey's smooth voice broke her thoughts, "Sorry, those bastards still aren't happy with the design. I finally talked them into signing and letting us start, with the condition that I will have the atrium to their liking within two months. Still in my personal deadline." Noticing the waiter headed their way she asked, "Are you ready to order?"

"Ms. Cabot," Paul said passing her the bill and a small bag, "Chef Marco wanted you to have something to eat tonight. He hopes you will return for a real meal soon."

"Thank you, Paul," she said taking the check and ignoring her wife's stunned expression from across the table. Only when she passed the bill back did she look up into the fiery expression of the redhead.

"What is going on?" Casey asked.

"I'm tired and I want to go home. I didn't come out with you tonight to have to sit alone at a table."

"I'm sorry-"

"I know," Alex interrupted, "You had to work. You always have to work. Nothing ever changes."

"You don't understand," Casey sighed as Alex stood and collected her food.

"I understand plenty," the blonde sighed as she walked from the table.

Casey rolled her eyes. "No, you really don't," she muttered as she tossed her napkin on the table in anger.

Following her wife, they collected their car from the valet, holding all conversation till they were inside the BMW X7. Once they'd pulled away from the restaurant, the blonde let her tears fall. The sight of her wife crying shattered her anger.

"Alex, honey, this one really is a misunderstanding," she attempted. "Let me show you. I'll explain everything."

"I just want to go home," the blonde cried as she held her stomach. "I'm so over this..."

Taking a deep breath to vent out her frustration, Casey ignored the plea and headed towards her project. Alex needed to see it with her own eyes to fully understand. It would change her perspective.

Realizing they were traveling in the wrong direction, Alex dried her eyes and looked to her defiant wife. "I said I want to go home, Casey."

"I heard you, but if you will just let me show you-"

"I don't need to see anything!" The blonde yelled. "I'm done with this!"

Casey could sense something deeper in the words her wife had launched, "What are you really trying to say, Alex?"

"I'm saying I'm miserable in this marriage! All you do is work. You don't care about the kids, you don't care about me, and I'm over it."

The silence was thick in the car as Casey pulled up to a red light still refusing to turn the car around. "I'll call the marriage counselor in the morning. We can resume our appointments."

"No," she whispered causing her wife to stare at her, "I want a divorce."

"What?" Was all Casey could ask. Her world was shattering like broken tempered glass, fast and into a billion pieces. All she could do was stare into the tearful blue eyes she adored more than anything in the world. It seemed like just yesterday she stood on the boat proposing. "Alex, I love you-"

But instead of recanting her wife's face changed from anger and sadness to panic, her face illuminating in the night as her eyes went wide, and a terrified, "Casey," left her lips.

The actions caused her to turn, looking towards the source of intrusion, right as the truck smashed into the driver side door.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Aww, Surfrider, I'm so happy you remember Gone! And yes, you might see some elements that cross into pieces of other stories, it's bound to happen with the amount there are now. But, I promise this story is very different in lots of ways. It was an idea that struck me before Christmas that I bugged Blitz with and eventually it became a fine tuned plot.

So, don't give up on it yet! It isn't a repeat. And I had lots of different influences to create it.

* * *

 _Till I've faded out of sight, all my days are nights, you never leave my mind..._

 _The Paper Kites "Holes"_

Alex watched in a state of shock as the truck barreled into Casey's door causing an onslaught of airbags to deploy around them. Sounds of shattering glass and twisting metal mixed with her own screams filled the SUV as it careened into traffic. How they managed to not get hit again she didn't know.

Feeling as if her head would pop at any moment, she forced her eyes open, looking to Casey's side of the car. The redhead appeared lifeless, like a rag doll draped against the steering wheel, blood streaming down her face. She couldn't even tell if she was alive.

"Casey," she choked out. "Wake up. Please-" The last thing she remembered was trying to free herself from her seat as she lost consciousness.

When she came to, she was on a gurney being moved towards an ambulance. "My wife, where's my wife?"

"Ma'am, I need you to stay calm, the firefighters and other EMT's are getting her out now, but we need to get you to the hospital. How far along are you?"

Remembering the baby, Alex instinctively placed her hand against her stomach, "7 months. Is the baby okay?"

"We are going to take you right now to get checked. Can you tell me your name?"

"Alexandra Cabot. My wife is Casey Novak."

"Okay, Alexandra, I'm Olivia Benson. Let's get you to the hospital," the short haired brunette said as she turned the gurney towards the ambulance.

It was in that moment that she was able to see the state of their new SUV, and saw Casey's limp seemingly lifeless figure being pulled from the wreckage. Her screams again filled the night air as the EMT again pleaded with her to try to calm as they moved her into the transport. But all she could remember were her last words to Casey being _I want a divorce_.

* * *

She wasn't sure if she lost consciousness the next time, or if they gave her something en route to the hospital, but when she came to she was at the hospital.

"Alexandra, I'm Dr. Montgomery, can you hear me?" A friendly redhead spoke as she looked her over.

"Yes," Alex mumbled through the bright lights and noises. She hurt all over, the pain was merciless, but she only had two concerns, Casey and the baby. "Is my wife alive?"

"She's here, but with another group of surgeons, I can get an update, but Alexandra I have to worry about you and the baby right now. Your baby is in distress and your blood pressure is really unstable. We are afraid your placenta might have torn or detached. So, we are taking you to the operating room."

It was only then that Alex realized she was on another gurney that they were moving with speed through the hospital. "Is the baby okay?"

"That's what I'm trying to make sure of," the doctor assured as they reached the OR. "I will see you in a few."

As she was wheeled into the OR she could only cry. She had no one else to blame for this mess. Only herself. They left dinner because of her. They were in the car because of her. She might lose her child and wife in the same night because of her choices.

"Have you sedated her yet?" A familiar voice cut through the OR.

"I just put the mask on her," the anesthesiologist replied.

She knew the voice, and something told her the baby would be safe because he was here. It was only as she began to drift away, she saw the face of her brother-in-law. Owen was here.

* * *

The next time she awoke her mother was there along with Kim. Before they even spoke she knew things were bad. Their faces said everything.

She immediately started crying in response. She wanted to ask questions, but her body wouldn't seem to allow her. Words worked through her mind, they just wouldn't exit.

"Alex, the baby is fine," Kim began, "He's small, and has to stay in the NICU till he gets bigger and stronger, but he's perfectly fine. They said he is a healthy 31 weeker - 3 pounds 4 ounces."

It was a boy. The baby was a boy and he was okay. Finding some calm in the storm, she looked to her still silent mother, "And Casey?"

Christine Cabot didn't answer her daughter. She didn't want to lie and say her daughter-in-law would be fine. She very well could pass at any moment from the trauma.

"Casey is hurt very badly," Kim took over with a scowl. "She suffered a major brain bleed. They had to perform surgery to stop it, and relieve pressure. The neurologist said she could suffer lasting problems if she ever wakes up."

"If?" Was all she could respond. Her whole world felt as if it was being ripped to shreds. All she wanted was to rewind back to dinner. But before she could focus much more on it all she fell back to sleep.

* * *

Kim watched her sister-in-law slip back to sleep before looking towards Big Chris. The older blonde looked defeated, and she could understand why. She felt the same way. "I'm going to check on Casey."

"Check the baby too. She'll need something-" Christine's voice broke as she moved to the window.

Kim knew what she meant. Alex would need something to live for in the end. "I will," was all she whispered as she left the room.

Walking the hallways, she finally made it to Casey's ICU room. Standing in the doorway, she found her scrub clad husband reading his sister's chart and checking her vitals. It was moments like this that she was thankful he was a trauma surgeon. Next to the bed sat her mother-in-law, Diane, talking to Casey's almost dead looking figure about her new baby and how she thought he looked like her. In that moment, the world seemed so cruel.

The usually vibrant redhead seemed almost translucent in the light. How she even still had a heartbeat, Kim didn't know. She knew they'd shaved part of her hair to operate, but seeing her head wrapped in gauze and a ventilator tube exiting her mouth made her want to scream at how unfair this all was...and now, her best friend, her sister-in-law might not ever wake up to see her child. She might not ever be Casey again.

"Hi," Kim finally whispered.

Owen closed the chart and walked towards his wife, kissing her cheek gently to say hello. "How's Alex?"

Yet, she didn't reply, she just shook her head in a 'no,' fashion to say she wasn't ready to talk about it. He simply pursed his lips and pulled her into a hug, resting his head against hers in a way she welcomed. She needed to feel safe in his arms. She needed to know that despite everything that had happened in the last few hours that something was alright. Only feeling him close, his safe embrace, just reminded her that her best friend, his sister, was potentially dying right next to them.

A wracking sob escaped her, she couldn't control her emotions. She felt so helpless. "Tell me you can fix this?" She pleaded.

"We just have to wait and see," he confirmed what she already knew. "The good news is her vitals are improving which is a positive."

Pulling back, she looked at the ghost like figure, unable to see what was positive about her condition. "Is it possible for her to wake up and be completely fine?"

"It's all a wait and see," a voice surprised her from behind. It was a dark haired woman with bright blue eyes, that Kim knew as Dr. Amelia Shepherd. She watched the woman move to her sister-in-law's bedside while she and Owen joined to observe her check-up.

As Amelia looked at Casey's eyes and checked reflexes, she continued her explanation, "The brain is a complex being all in itself, only time will tell."

"Will she wake up?" Diane questioned as she still clutched her daughter's hand.

Amelia looked from Diane to Owen, giving a knowing nod that told Kim there was more than they were letting on. "Mrs. Novak, your daughter was very fortunate in a lot of ways in the accident. She managed to escape it without massive internal injuries and broken bones, unfortunately all her trauma was contained to her head. When the truck hit her car..."

"Mom," Owen interjected saving Amelia from having to give the worst of the information, "Casey's head in a way, bounced around like a pinball. It hit the truck, it smacked the steering wheel, the chair...it's amazing she even had a pulse when they got to her."

With this information, Kim sat down. She could barely feel her legs. She didn't know how to listen anymore, but she knew she had to.

"The good news is she had a pulse," Amelia assured, "She had a pulse and she was breathing. We located the bleed and fixed it, she's on meds to reduce the brain swelling and once it's manageable we will remove the ventilator and wait for her to wake up. Right now, we have to count our positives, she made it out of the wreck, she made it out of the OR, now we just need her to pull through the next day or two. Within a few days, we should know the extent of damage."

Kim knew doctor speak. She knew they were saying Casey would either live or die in the next 48 hours, and that was just the beginning. She just didn't know how to wait for answers.

* * *

Unfamiliar sounds stirred the achy blonde awake. She wasn't exactly sure how much time had passed, or what exactly was happening. Her brain was still muddled thick with sleep and full of blurry bad dreams. What she did remember clearly was Casey leaving her at the table again and an argument in the car.

Taking a deep breath in, she moved her hand to her belly, only to find a void. Opening her eyes quickly, she attempted to sit up only to be reminded that her patchy nightmares were real. Her baby was in the NICU, Casey in the ICU, and she was here.

Looking for her glasses, she noticed a blurry figured in a chair nearby. The white blonde hair indicating it was her mother. "Mom," she rasped.

The older woman woke with a start, "Are you okay?"

"Yes, where are my glasses?" She demanded.

"Serena is bringing a new pair to the hospital in the morning, yours were lost in the accident."

Falling back against the pillows, Alex felt her heart rate triple. She was blind without them. If only she'd gotten the LASIK like Abbie had suggested a few years back.

"I want to see my baby and Casey."

Her mother moved to her bedside, "You'll have to wait till morning. Dr. Montgomery has to clear you. You lost a lot of blood."

Confusion filled her mind. She knew they did a c-section, but she honestly didn't know why. And it hadn't even occurred to her to ask. Her mind just didn't seem to work right. She was crazy emotional and super tired.

As if her mother could read her face, she explained, "The impact caused a placental abruption. You had a lot of internal bleeding in your uterus because of it. They got the baby out and were able to stop the bleeding, but you still needed a blood transfusion. So, until she clears you to move you have to stay in this bed."

"Then go get her," Alex stated, "Because I'm leaving this bed."

"Alexandra," her mother sighed, "now is not the time to be difficult. You need to care for yourself so you can care for your family."

She was so furious she could feel her head start to spin again, "Mother, you don't even understand."

"I think I do," Christine snapped, "I've been in this hospital for two days now with you coming in and out."

"Two days..." Alex whispered in disbelief.

"Yes, two days."

"Is Casey any better?" Finally what she really wanted to know escaped her. She already knew that the baby would be okay, and as much as she wanted to see him, she knew he was safe.

Christine swallowed thickly, not wanting to give too much false hope. "Casey is stable currently. I'm not going to sugar coat things though, her injury was all sustained in her brain. They are taking her off the ventilator today to see if her body can sustain breathing on its own."

"If she can't?"

"Just pray," Christine affirmed, "that's all we can do."

Alex sat in silence, tears streaming down her cheeks at the knowledge of what might come her way. Guilt and anger overwhelmed her. "I told her I wanted a divorce..." she finally confessed.

"What?" Her mother questioned as she moved next to her. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I am tired of her constant working, and her neglect. It never changes," she snapped.

"Alexandra, your view of the world is a little off. Your father worked just as hard as Casey does-"

"And I never saw him!"

Taking her daughter's hand, Christine squeezed, "He worked hard to make sure we were taken care of, Casey was only doing the same."

"And I want better for my family. I want a whole family." She deadpanned.

Sensing there was more to this confession the older Cabot prodded, "When did you ask for the divorce?"

And there it was, the part that killed her inside. "Right before-" she paused as she felt a new round of tears escape her eyes. "She looked so crushed - so defeated. She told me she loved me as if that should be enough and then we were hit. I wanted a divorce, not to lose her forever."

"What do you think a divorce would achieve?" Her mother's expression was a tormented one. All she could do was shake her head, as she stood and moved to the doorway. "So, do you really want a divorce or were you just angry?"

"I don't know," Alex whispered feeling the empty space in her stomach.

Christine sighed at her daughter's ambivalence as she pulled her phone from her purse. She knew Alex would prefer to see him in person the first time, but right now she was stuck. She figured maybe seeing the baby would help. Unlocking it she sat on the bed, "This is the baby. He's got medical equipment to help him so don't be alarmed."

Alex wiped tears from her eyes as she saw her child for the first time. This wasn't how she wanted to see him. She wanted to see their baby by him being placed in her arms, healthy and full term. Taking the phone in hand she looked at the small little guy that she'd failed to protect. Overwhelmed with grief and guilt she asked, "What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything wrong," Christine tried to soothe, "You were angry with your wife, and during a fight you all got hit by another driver. It happens. You couldn't have prevented any of this-"

"Yes, I could have," Alex blurted. "I made us leave the restaurant early because I was angry. She took us the way she did to show me something. She kept saying it would explain things. I don't even know where...I just need her to wake up and be okay. I need our baby to be okay. I need my family so I can figure the rest out."

Her tears seemed endless as she stared at their son that didn't even have a name. She couldn't even really tell who he looked like through the medical equipment. He seemed so small and fragile. What was worse is she imagined that if Casey had been fine after the accident that she probably wouldn't even want to be around Alex. The look of pain on her face at Alex's words forever burned on her mind.

And the worse part was she still thought she wanted the divorce.

* * *

Three days later, Alex sat across from her wife from the stability of a wheelchair. Casey was fully breathing on her own, and now off sedation. However, the waiting for the swelling of the brain to subside enough for her to wake seemed endless. Until that occurred they didn't know the full extent of damage.

Sighing, Alex stretched her legs. She was allowed to walk short distances, but not the varying hallways needed to reach the ICU. She was fairly convinced the hospital staff felt pity for her and that was the only reason she had such permissions.

Her routine now circled around visiting the baby. She'd visit him in the mornings, kangaroo holding him for a few hours till he needed his quiet time. Then she'd circle to sit with Casey for a few hours before returning to her room to nap. Then she'd spend time with the baby in the evening till he needed more quiet, one hour sitting at Casey's bedside, then back to her room for bed.

Dr. Montgomery was worried she wasn't getting enough rest, but she didn't care. She needed to know that everyone was cared for, she at least had the comfort that Little Chris and Conner were being spoiled rotten by her mother. She just hoped that she didn't eventually have to take bad news home to them regarding her wife's condition.

"Wake up, Casey," she muttered towards her still sleeping wife.

"Do I have to?" A groggy voice responded, "I have a bitching headache."

"Oh my god," Alex half laughed, half cried, "You are you."

"Last I checked," she replied turning her head to look at the blonde, "What happened?"

"We were in a car accident."

"Was it my fault?" She questioned as she tried to focus on the differences in Alex. Something was fundamentally different.

"No," She answered, "A guy in a truck suffered a massive heart attack. He hit us by pure chance. You were really injured. Let me go tell the nurses you are awake. I know Owen will be relieved."

Casey watched as Alex left the room. She'd clearly been hurt herself, but was being her usual strong self. Only when the blonde returned did she start to question to what extent.

"Why did they cut your hair?" She asked.

Alex frowned, "They cut your hair, not mine." She was surprised that Casey was more interested in her hair than the baby, but she figured it must be a side effect.

Casey closed her eyes trying to think things through. She couldn't remember the accident, but she could remember everything prior. Opening them again, she stared at Alex. "No, your hair is so short now. I don't think I've ever seen it shoulder length on you."

"Casey, I haven't had long hair in probably 6 years."

Looking her over, Casey noticed the hospital bands and the wheelchair, "How badly injured were you?"

Now, Alex could tell something was really wrong. Casey wasn't making any sense. "Case-"

"Hey, Short-Stop," Owen interrupted as he entered with a smile, "I'm glad to see you feeling better. I know the kiddos will be thrilled."

With his remark, Casey snorted as a silly smile fell on her face, "I didn't realize they'd miss their Aunt Casey that much. How long was I out of it?"

"I mean your kids," he laughed, as his sister frowned in confusion looking between him and Alex.

"What kids?"

Alex closed her eyes as she swallowed hard looking up to the ceiling, "Owen, something's wrong," she could feel tears starting to form in her eyes again but forced them back, "something's really wrong."

"What?" Casey questioned meekly. Fear beginning to creep in, "What happened?"

"Casey, what year is it?" He questioned.

"It's 2010," she whispered as she looked to Alex for answers, "What is wrong?"

"It's 2018," She said quietly. "You've lost 8 years of our life..."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry if there are typos. I was falling asleep proofreading. With any luck you will get another update on Faces and Fire and the Flood soon!

* * *

"What are you talking about?" Casey frowned, "I just don't remember the accident..."

Alex couldn't speak. She felt as if all the air had been sucked out of her. Maybe it had been a naive notion, but she thought if Casey could just wake up that everything could be okay, but now her world was in a free-fall. As if seeing her distress, Owen jumped in, "What is the last thing you remember?"

"I-" she hesitated as she looked at Alex again, now noticing major differences in her. "I proposed. You said yes. We watched the sunset and headed home..."

Alex smiled in sympathy. It was a happy memory. Part of her wondered if Casey just didn't want to remember the last conversation, but that wouldn't cause her to forget their kids.

"Eight years?" Casey questioned again as she looked between the two, "What has happened?" She could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She didn't even know exactly what caused her to wind up in the hospital minus rob her of memories.

"I'm going to talk to Amelia. She's in surgery, but maybe we can get some tests rolling." Owen stated as he squeezed his sister's foot. "Just talk to Alex till I get back."

Like a broken record, she asked a ghost white Alex again, "Who is Amelia? What has happened?"

"A lot," the blonde whispered placing her hands over her face causing Casey to notice her wedding band. "I'm sorry, I've barely recovered myself-"

"We got married," Casey interrupted in a slightly hysterical tone of voice, "I can't remember it. I can't remember anything!"

"Case," Alex sighed as she scooted closer to the bed, "It will be okay. I'm sure it will."

Trying to believe her despite her growing anxiety, she nodded, "So we are married?"

"Yes, we are married and have three children...one just days old."

"Three? Days old?" Casey asked as she laid back down placing her hand on her pounding and aching bandaged head. It seemed the more she tried to remember, the more pain coursed through her, "What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I remember?"

"You suffered a lot of trauma to your brain in the accident. You had a brain bleed and bad swelling. They had to operate, it was touch and go for awhile now."

"How long?"

"Almost a week..."

Casey looked at her again, "You said we had a child that was days old. Were the children in the car? Are they okay?"

"The kids are fine. I was seven months pregnant. There was a problem with my placenta and they had to take him out for his and my safety. He is in the NICU but doing well."

The information was overwhelming, and suddenly her head began to pound uncontrollably. "My head feels like it could burst," Casey cried as she grabbed at the bandages trying to get relief.

"I know it hurts, but you need to leave the bandages alone," Alex snapped. She didn't mean to sound cruel, she just didn't know what to do. They'd never been in a situation like this and not knowing how to fix it was daunting. Watching the woman she loved suffer even if she was hurt by her, was breaking her in two. "Seriously, stop," she almost begged, "You are going to rip open stitches. You are sutured in a few places."

"It hurts," Casey cried out louder as she twisted in the bed, "Make it stop. Alex, please-" she pleaded with a red tear streaked face.

Although, Alex didn't know what to do. She didn't have the answers this time. In every argument they'd had over the last year she felt like she knew what needed to happen to fix the mess, but now she felt helpless. And seeing her wife in pain, crying and begging for her to take that pain away just escalated every emotion she had. Standing she moved to sit on the edge of the bed as Casey squirmed.

In the calmest voice she could produce she stated, "I can't fix the pain, but I'm going to try to help you calm down. That might help some. So, I'm going to lay with you like I did when you had the flu in January."

She was referring to the January right before Casey proposed. It had been the only way the redhead could sleep during that time. Seeing the connection in her wife's mind she continued, "You can't thrash into me, I've had a c-section. So you have to be gentle even if the pain gets worse. Okay?"

Casey nodded in understanding as she moved slightly for her wife to join her. As soon as Alex had positioned herself next to her on the bed, she curled into her. The blonde's proximity didn't remove the pain, but it at least made it more manageable. It gave her something real. It gave her Alex.

Her smell. Her warmth. The way she ran her nails lazily down her back when they snuggled.

Relaxing as she finally began to feel secure, Casey whispered, "Tell me about our life. Was it all we dreamed it would be?"

"No, but it never is..." Alex confessed sadly.

"That's okay," She whispered as she moved her head to Alex's chest, "I don't need a life of dreams to be happy. I just need you."

Her words felt like knives digging into Alex's heart. It was as if Casey completely reverted back to the woman that proposed to her. As if _her_ Casey had died in that crash. She'd vanished and now Alex had the original to start over with...

And in that moment she knew she didn't necessarily want to start over. She knew she'd miss their squabbles and Casey's silly ways of trying to make things up to her. Feeling tears again escape her eyes, she realized the thought of never being able to talk to that version again left a huge hole in her heart.

Maybe this was God's way of punishing her for her thoughts of running. By taking her memories of what Alex wanted to leave. She wanted a divorce so he removed the problem. Although, now she recognized that maybe that wasn't what she really wanted.

Drying her eyes, she explained, "We have a daughter, she's five. Her name is Christine Diane."

Casey sighed contentedly against her chest, "I know our moms love that name."

"You are right," she replied with a genuine smile at the memory, "And we have a son, Conner Andrew, he's two."

"After our fathers. Weren't we cute in naming," she replied sleepily as she began to settle, "What's the baby's name?"

"He doesn't have one. We hadn't decided yet." Alex admitted.

"Probably because we ran out of the easy ones. Well, what does he look like?" Casey asked as she nuzzled in deeper. The sound of the blonde's heartbeat was helping to slow her waves of pain.

"He looks like you," she replied, "He's just tiny. He was only 31 weeks at birth."

"Name him something that means strength," her wife mumbled in a tone highlighting how she'd been overtaken by sleep. "Or something that means brave."

Watching her wife fall back asleep, Alex brushed her fingers through her long red hair. It had been tied up on her head, but the thrashing around in pain had caused it to become undone. It amazed her always how beautiful she could look while sleeping.

"I love you," she whispered as she continued to run her fingers through her wife's hair getting an incoherent mumble in return. Noticing that she'd fallen asleep, Alex continued in the quietest of tones, "And I'm really sorry."

* * *

"I know this is scary," Dr. Shepherd began as she stood in the front of the imagining room addressing Alex and Diane with Casey's scans projected behind her, "but the brain is a complex system. Casey's hemorrhage occurred here," she said pointing to a section of her wife's brain from the scan taken the night she came into the ER, "The damage was contained to the medial temporal lobe. Although, the bleeding and swelling were so severe that I was afraid she wouldn't make it off the table. See how this entire area was affected - its why I was concerned that it would affect her brain stem function after surgery."

Realizing they were struggling to follow, she tried to help, "Casey's injury was severe but she survived. So, while I know the loss of memory is concerning, I would take it as a win that she is even awake, talking, and remembering anything."

Alex turned her back on the images as she angrily ran her hands through her hair. She was happy Casey was alive, but she wanted her back to normal. She wanted to know that everything might be okay.

Seeing her daughter-in-laws frustration, Diane stepped in, "Will her memory come back?"

"Her new scans show that the bleeding is still under control," Amelia answered as she indicated the now clear tissue on the scans taken that day, "and that the swelling is subsiding. And there doesn't appear to be any permanent tissue death. However, that doesn't mean her memory will return. She is suffering from retrograde amnesia and memories don't always return when lost."

She paused to watch her patient's family. Casey's mother seemed to be trying to come to terms with the news, whereas her wife seemed like a total wreck. Realizing this approach still wasn't helping, she tried, "I know this is hard, but you have to remember you still have Casey-"

"I agree," Diane affirmed as Alex snapped-

"That's easy for you all to say, but my kids basically just lost a mother, and I lost something too...I just want her memory to return! And you are telling me to just be thankful, I am, but I'm also heartbroken at the same time..."

Sitting back down, Alex knew she wasn't being fair to anyone in the room. No one but her mother knew what she'd asked of her wife right before the accident. Although, deep inside despite the fact that the woman she fell in love with was still alive, she wished she could have just one more day with her before eight years vanished from her memory. Just one more day to laugh about trips they'd taken, or holiday fiascos. They'd built an intricate, difficult, challenging life together over the course of eleven years and now Casey could only remember three of them. No one else could relate. Diane only lost eight out of thirty-six.

Seeing Alex's state, Amelia sat down in front of her. "It's not easy for me to say. I don't want you to misunderstand my ability to sympathize. It's just this is what I do, neurosurgery, I see and fix issues everyday. Yet, my brother, my hero, died from a very similar bleed like your wife's. He too was injured in a car accident and I couldn't save him. I wish he'd made it off the table and survived with amnesia."

And there it was, the harsh reality that she could have lost Casey forever. It was an idea that haunted her. One she'd have to learn to process slowly. Looking towards the scans, she suddenly had a new wave of angst hit, "Is anything else damaged? Is she through the worst of it? Do I need to worry?"

Seeing that the blonde was finally ready to hear the rest of her test results, Amelia picked up her tablet and continued as she stood, "The swelling is subsiding, however, we need Casey to remain calm and stress-free. It's why she wasn't invited to this information hearing. I'm having her placed on anti-anxiety meds to control her fear output. She seems to be getting overwhelmed very easily which is causing her blood pressure to skyrocket. That's what caused the intense head pain you witnessed last night, Ms. Cabot."

"She hates pills," Alex said with a head shake.

"You'll make her take them," Amelia deadpanned, "Until all the swelling has subsided she needs to take all her medication and try to limit her stress. If the swelling increases it could cause her to have a seizure which could result in another bleed."

"Can she be around her children?" Diane asked, "What about her job? She loves to work."

At the mention of her wife's job, Alex shot her mother-in-law a look, "Work can wait. I've got Melanie handled for the time being."

"I understand Casey's job is a very important one," Amelia interjected, "And, the injury might not affect her work abilities as much as we might all fear. She knows her stuff, I mean look around, but if it will produce stress she should wait a little bit. As for your children, absolutely let her see and be with them. But just know Alex that you will probably be doing a lot of the heavy lifting for a while. So maybe ask friends and family to help until the baby is home, and you are feeling 100 percent."

And that was it, Alex had her answer. She needed to worry. The only thing was her amount of worry was surpassing Casey's health.

Casey knew what she loved, Alex and work. She didn't know their children and when she did she barely spent enough time with them. What would improve that now?

* * *

"I'm going home tomorrow morning," Alex told her wife as she sat on the end of the hospital bed on the neurology floor playing cards with her. Dr. Shepherd had suggested it as a way to help gently work Casey's brain after moving her from the ICU the day before due to her stability. "My doctor says she wished she could let me stay longer, but medically there isn't a reason to keep me..."

Casey paused staring at her cards before setting them down and looking up. "Are you okay going home?"

"Yeah," she whispered, "I'm just worried about leaving the baby."

A look of confusion washed over Casey's face, only for her to close her eyes with a small shake of the head. "I know we have children. You've told me. You are in the hospital because of the baby. But," she paused looking tearfully up into Alex's deep blue eyes, "I keep forgetting. It's like because I haven't truly seen them like they aren't real or something."

"Do you want to go see him?" Alex whispered softly as if to not be overheard by hospital staff.

"Am I allowed to?"

Alex smiled mischievously, "I bet I can make it happen."

Setting her cards down, Alex stood and left the room with ease. Casey was really jealous of her ability to move so easily. If she stood to walk to the bathroom she got dizzy. Her doctor assured it would pass with time, but she feared it might not. And if it didn't how would she do the things she loved like sailing and snow skiing.

Looking out the window, she watched the rain splatter the pane. It reminded her of how she and Alex loved to snuggle in bed on rainy days watching Hallmark movies and eating takeout. Yet, she had to tell herself that was eight years ago. It made her wonder how much had changed in their world. She'd seen how much Owen and Kim's lives had changed after having their daughters Grace and Emma. Had her and Alex's lives changed just as much?

"I hear you want to travel these fine halls," Dr. Shepherd's voice interrupted her thoughts.

Casey looked in the direction of the friendly brunette and her wife, "Yes, I'd like to see our baby."

"I will happily grant that request," Amelia said walking in the doorway as Alex pushed a wheelchair in from the hallway. "The only condition is until the dizziness passes that you use a wheelchair to move down to the NICU. Also, if at anytime you feel dizzy while down there, you must have the NICU staff page me. I will come and get you or send one of my interns. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Casey replied a little nervously.

"All your other restrictions for walking continue until I clear you. However, the swelling is decreasing at a decent rate. I expect that it should subside soon. Do you have any questions?"

"No, I think I've got it."

"Alright, well enjoy him," the doctor replied as she turned and left the room.

"You ready?" Alex asked as she pushed the wheelchair to the bed.

Casey smiled weakly, as she stood and moved slowly to her chariot, "This isn't how I imagined meeting our child for the first time."

"I understand that," Alex said moving her around in the room slowly, "I figured we'd be in labor and delivery like with the first two."

"I keep forgetting," She said with a sigh, "I think that will be better when I meet them."

"Maybe," Her wife replied heading towards the elevators near the catwalks. It was the fastest way down to maternity.

Casey took in her surroundings as they moved to the elevators. Once they were past patient rooms, and out in the open space that overlooked a big expanse of stairs and open catwalks she smiled at the brightness of the space. It was actually beautiful with all the windows and being able to see the magical weather that was this emerald city.

"I know it's just a building but wow it's beautiful," she gasped. "The modern architecture is fantastic."

Alex rolled her eyes at the redhead, "Well, you should like it."

"Why's that?" It was the most innocent question, and at the same time it hurt Alex to hear it.

Frowning, she squeezed her wife's shoulder before pushing her to the glass banister to get a better look, "Because you designed it."

The words stole her breath as she looked over the open area flowing down to the main lobby of the large new looking hospital. "I did this?"

"Yeah, you did."

"When?" She gasped.

"About seven years ago. Owen knew the then chief and got you in for an initial meeting. You won them over completely with your ideas of how sunlight helps heal."

Casey beamed at the information. Her eyes sparkling with the knowledge she had designed something so fantastic. "Wow, I only ever dreamed of jobs like this...what else have I done?"

And there it seemed to already start, or at least that's how Alex felt about her wife's obsession with her work, "Lots, but I can show you when you get out of here." With that she pulled her away from the rail and to the elevators.

Sitting silent, Casey felt her mind explode with new questions, "Is it still Novak Architecture?"

Pushing her wife onto the elevator she replied, "Yes."

Casey was speechless with her accomplishment. She'd designed a stunning hospital and more. It made her wonder if she was a household name, at least in the architectural world. "Do people know my work?"

"Yes," Alex sighed as the doors opened allowing them to enter the maternity ward. Buzzing herself in past the front desk to patient only zones, she was thankful Casey's questions seemed to suddenly fade. She didn't want Casey's job to cloud this moment.

Reaching the NICU, Alex waited for the nurses to come let them inside. "Are you ready?"

"Honestly?" She asked in a hushed voice.

"Yes," Alex laughed looking down at the suddenly ashen redhead.

"I'm terrified. I don't know exactly what to do with a baby - at least for longer than a babysitting job."

Bending down, she kissed the top of her wife's head, "You were fantastic with Christine and Conner. You always did wonderfully with them as newborns. You will do just fine with this one too."

As the door opened, a nurse greeted Alex, "Ms. Cabot, is this your wife?"

"Yes, this is Casey," she said as she turned to introduce the nurse, "Case, this is our son's favorite nurse, Susie."

Casey examined the young woman with her mousy kinky curly brown hair and big smile, "Hi."

"Hello," she said as she led the way, "Let's get you in a comfy chair and get him right over to you."

"Okay," She whispered in a nervous tone as Alex helped her into the chair.

Seeing her wife's discomfort, she whispered, "It will be okay. I promise. I'm right here." As she finished, she kissed her gently.

Leaving Casey's side, Alex moved next to the nurse to collect their son. She wanted to be the one to place him in her wife's arms for the first time. Even if his birth didn't go as expected, she still wanted to _give_ him to her.

Taking him into her arms she softly spoke, "Hi, baby, let's go meet your Mama."

Turning back towards Casey, she saw that the nurse had helped her expose part of her chest in order to place him against her in a kangaroo hold. He was still so tiny, but getting bigger every day. Alex just hoped he could come home soon. She didn't know how to leave him behind.

Looking at his small little figure in her arms, she walked to her wife's side. Seeing Casey's eyes go wide at the sight of him, and her mouth open to a smile as she took him in her hands placing him gently to her chest, Alex whispered, "Meet our son."

Talking every inch of him in, his tiny face so much like her own, his little hands, the red hair, she was in a state of awe. "Oh my god, he's perfect, every bit of him."

"He is a gift from God," Alex said as she leaned against Casey's chair.

"I know what we should name him," she whispered finally feeling as if she actually had a child. Holding him had finally bridged the gap she'd been feeling, "let's name him Gabriel. It means 'God is my strength.' His name could be Gabriel Alexander."

"I love it," Alex smiled as she fished her phone out to take pictures of Casey and Gabriel. Capturing a beautiful shot, she sent it to their mother's adding the note, ' _He has a name! Meet Gabriel Alexander Novak-Cabot_.'

Watching her wife with their new child filled her with love. She wanted to believe that this was a sign that they would be okay. That maybe this time Casey would choose their family over work. There was always hope.

Leaning in she placed a hand lightly to their son's head as she gently kissed her wife. "I love you and our family."

Casey kissed her back before looking down at their baby again and lightly pressing a kiss to his head. "I love you all too."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I hope you are all hanging in there for this one...I think its going to be a great one by the time ita finished!

* * *

Alex sighed as the elevator in her modern high-rise condominium building came to a stop. She was home, but it felt so wrong. It didn't seem right coming back here without Casey and Gabriel.

"It will be okay," her mother soothed sensing her fears, "the kids will be ecstatic to see you."

"I know," she mumbled as she stepped off the lift and out into the hallway. "It's just when I left here that night I didn't think I'd be returning without them."

Her mother frowned at the comment as they made the short walk to the door, "You have to stop blaming yourself, Alexandra. Bad things happen in life," she only paused to stick the key in the lock, "Good news is everyone survived. You should have seen your SUV. I can't believe either of you left it alive."

Opening the door, her mother comforted, "You are home now. Just try healing some, I can always keep the kids at my house if you aren't emotionally ready yet."

Alex took in her surroundings as she entered the big open foyer. The floor to ceiling windows that looked over Elliot Bay always looked picturesque. It felt surreal to be here, and not see Casey plastered to them scanning the city. She was always looking for the next big project.

This was Casey's second landmark project after the hospital. This penthouse condo was part of her payment. It had had never fully been Alex's style even despite her interior design efforts. Although, it made sense for them to take it. Casey had hit it big in the architecture world, and having a high profile address to host parties and invite clients made sense.

But now standing here, Alex found herself feeling destroyed. They'd gone through so much in this space together as a family. Their life had blossomed within these walls, but Casey didn't remember any of it. Now, Casey sat in the hospital the last eight years a blank slate, leaving Alex wondering if any of _her_ Casey remained.

Everywhere she went in this city she would be surrounded by Casey. Always touched by their memories, and her projects. And in that moment Alex knew one thing for sure, she would rather have Casey glued to that window planning her next big accomplishment versus the empty pane overlooking the bay.

Walking through the entry way into the large vast living room, Alex noticed drawings and crayons scattered about the coffee table and floor, but an ever present silence. "Where are the children?"

"I asked Abbie to take them to the park while you settled in," Christine explained, "I figured you might need to process some before seeing them."

"You are probably right," she muttered as she noticed their wall of family photos. Not wanting to fall apart, she looked away quickly and back to her mother, "I'm going to get cleaned up a bit."

"I'll make some tea," the older Cabot replied as she headed towards their kitchen, "By the way, Melanie Aponte called again this morning. I know that's the last name you want to hear right now, but she said it is urgent that you call her back today."

"Do you know why?" Alex huffed as she stood at her bedroom door as her mother stood at the entrance to the kitchen giving her that 'perturbed mother' look.

"No, but honey, you can't pretend that your wife isn't a prominent architect forever. You'd hate yourself if you were the reason her firm fell apart. You knew when you married her what her hopes and dreams were."

"Fine, I'll call her as soon as I get changed," she conceded as she opened her door only to be met with overwhelming emotions.

Slipping inside quickly, she shut it behind her letting herself fall against the wooden frame. Looking around the space, she felt small and insecure. It was a brutal reminder of what she'd lost that night. The wife she'd built this home with was essentially gone. Only her face remained.

Walking to where Casey had discarded her work clothes on a chair next to their closet, she picked them up smelling her signature scent. Chance by Chanel. A gift Alex had given her for Christmas the year Little Chris was born. Another memory lost.

She knew she needed to let the mourning go, to instead celebrate the fact Casey survived, but she was struggling terribly. She wasn't dumb, she knew the reason. It was the fact that she'd toyed for weeks with the idea of asking for a divorce because she was hurt by her wife's actions, and then when she did the accident happened. Maybe she'd been hoping that asking for it would make Casey truly change, but instead that part of her died. That part of _her_ Casey died. The part that was her wife gone forever, and the last thing she said to her was, 'I want a divorce.'

It was guilt. She was overwhelmed with guilt. And now she had to pretend it never happened.

Needing a distraction, she changed quickly into fleece lined leggings and Casey's old long sleeved softball tee, relishing the fact that it smelled like her wife. Finally, sitting on the edge of her bed, she fished her cellphone from her purse, navigating to one name she resented. Melanie Aponte.

Hitting the blue phone button, she laid back on her wife's side of the bed. Listening to each ring, she prayed for it to go to voicemail. Yet, by the fourth, the chipper brunette answered, "Thank God you finally called me back! We are at total DEFCON 1 over here."

"What is the issue?" Alex huffed, she was never impressed by her wife's assistant. Everything was always a 911 emergency in her eyes.

"Well, I got the museum to give us a huge extension on the atrium blueprints by explaining that you all had been involved in a major car accident, but now they want to know what her condition is...and I don't know it!"

Alex could feel her heart rate triple. With everything going on she hadn't begun to think of what Casey's amnesia could actually cost her career. Suddenly, she realized it was her responsibility to protect it now. "Her condition is no one's business. Do you understand me? You don't talk about it with anyone."

"Yes, but what is her condition?"

Hesitating for a moment, Alex sighed and stated as calmly as possible, "Casey suffered serious brain trauma during the collision. As a result, she has retrograde amnesia."

"So, what," Melanie stumbled struggling to comprehend, "She can't remember the accident?"

"More like, she can't remember the last eight years..."

The crash on the other end of the line told Alex that her message finally connected. Now they were really in DEFCON 1. How would she keep her wife's company afloat till she could take back over? And would she ever be able to?

Suddenly an explosion of little feet could be heard mixed with excited giggles. The children were home. This would have to wait. "Melanie, the kids just got home and I haven't seen them in a week. Don't tell anyone what I just told you. Come over this evening and we can hammer out a plan?"

A meek, "Okay," crossed the line followed by, "in the meantime, see if you can locate a blue jump drive for me. Casey had her new plans on it," was the only response she received before the line disconnected.

Yet, Alex barely had a moment to think about her instructions before two tiny beings found her in the room. Their happy smiling faces instantly erasing all the bad.

* * *

The blue jump drive didn't bounce back into Alex's memory until she'd put Little Chris to bed. It was only when she kissed her daughter goodnight, and spotted a picture of Casey in a blue jacket on the child's nightstand that it resurfaced. Quickly standing, she carried her sore frame back out into the living space finding her mother nose deep in a book waiting by the gas fireplace.

"What time is it?" She asked as she crossed the room heading towards Casey's home office.

"Almost, eight," Big Chris responded, "Didn't you say that Melanie was coming over?"

"Yes," she replied as she opened the door, "When she gets here, send her my way. I have to find something."

Entering the space, she was taken back by the mess that her wife loved to work through. At one point they'd shared the space, and back in those days it was much more organized. Yet, now, it was covered in architecture books, design magazines, and cluttered with blueprints. How Casey ever found a thing she would never know...

As a matter of a fact, it was the organized chaos that kept Alex out of this room altogether. She had completely stopped coming in to attempt to clean, letting Casey handle the vacuuming and dusting in here herself. So, finding one small jump-drive was destined to be difficult.

Stepping over papers and prints, Alex moved to the most logical place first, Casey's desk. Yet, there were numerous drawers below with nooks and crannies. Scanning the surface, and carefully moving things aside, she examined the area, not finding anything but random notes and prints labeled AC project.

It was the high-profile side client Casey had been working on. The one that she was going to refer Alex to after it was finished. Frowning, she continued her search until she heard a light knock at the door.

Looking up, she spotted the petite brunette, Melanie Aponte. "Did you find the drive?"

"Not yet," Alex sighed, "Come surf through the mess with me."

Looking over the room, Melanie shook her head, "She keeps her office at work just as messy. We have a fake office setup for clients to visit."

"I know," Alex spouted without making eye contact, "That was my idea."

"Right," the younger woman folded, as she moved to organize the large custom built design desk. "This table is fantastic. Where did she buy it?"

Dropping a file on the table, Alex looked up her blue eyes going dark with misdirected frustration, "I had it custom built for her."

"I'm sorry," Melanie said holding her hands up, "I didn't mean to offend."

Closing her eyes, Alex pinched the bridge of her nose, "No, I'm sorry. I'm just dealing with a lot. And honestly, I wish Case spent more time at home."

"I know, and I get it," she replied as she began looking through drawers. "We just have to find that disk."

"If we can't, are we able to just let the deal fold and have Casey start a new project? That might be easier for her current state of mind anyway," Alex offered.

But, Melanie was quick to shoot it down, "We can't Alex. It would involve a whole new bid process and once this deal was signed Casey dismissed the other offers. This project was supposed to cover the next year and a half. Essentially-"

"Giving her a year off," the blonde finished as realization hit. It was what Alex had been begging her for the last year. Casey had already put it in motion.

"She wanted to be home with you and the kids. It was her top priority from the moment you got pregnant again."

"I had no idea," Alex sighed as she looked to a family picture of them on the wall. It was taken before she'd gotten pregnant. They seemed so happy.

"She wanted it to be kind of like a present for you when you delivered," Melanie explained, "We can still fix this though, where is her safe? I know she keeps important stuff in there."

"Ha," Alex mumbled, "I don't know why I didn't start there."

Moving to the cabinets, she went to the built in fireproof box. Although, as she punched the numbers in to unlock it, Melanie grabbed her hand. "I better look."

"Excuse me?" Alex scowled at the assistant, "It's my safe."

"Actually, it's your wife's, and I know what I'm looking for," the younger woman countered.

Jerking her hands free, Alex snapped, "Back off. Casey is my wife, and this is my house. I will look through our safe."

Closing her eyes in defeat, Melanie moved to the windows overlooking the beautiful harbor. She'd tried to stop what was about to happen. And she had no one to blame for the eventual discovery but herself.

As Alex pulled papers from the dark metal enclosure, she came across something she hadn't expected to find. A deed to a house. A house in Casey's name only. A house she knew nothing about.

Feeling her hands begin shake, she looked up at the young woman, "What is this?"

"Something you shouldn't be looking at," Melanie said as she turned to face the blonde, "I'm really sorry."

"I don't understand," Alex asked as emotion filled her, "Why did she buy a house without me?"

Seeing another wave of confusion crash over her boss's wife, Melanie jumped in, "It was a surprise you. She wanted to take you there for your anniversary next month. I'm sorry because I ruined it, that's all."

Letting herself fall to the floor, Alex looked the deed over and over, as Melanie moved to the safe, "Ugh, where would she have put it!"

Although, Alex couldn't focus on the disk any longer. She was curious about the house. "Where is this place?"

"Alex, really, it's not my surprise to show. Casey, would be crushed to know that you even found out. She's been keeping it secret since this summer."

"Oh my God," Alex said quietly as she let her head hit the cabinets behind her, "This is the AC project isn't it."

Melanie sighed realizing this was a losing battle, "Yes."

"That's why I get to design the inside," Alex scoffed figuring it would be another situation like the condo, "because it's our house."

"Yes," Melanie replied sitting on the floor next to the blonde, "But Casey had a plan, she'd been working with major magazines and design industries, her plan was to have it showcased afterwards to relaunch your career."

The information was crushing. Her wife had done all of this for her. Everything had been with their family in mind. And yet, she'd been blind to it all.

"What do we do now?" She asked as she rolled her head to face the brunette.

"We need Casey," Melanie replied, "Maybe she can figure this mess out."

"Fine," Alex conceded, "I will see how her mind is tomorrow. And get an ETA on when she can come home," she said as she moved to stand, "but, I want to see this house sooner than later."

"Fine," Melanie scowled, "But, before I take you out there I want to get it to the point Casey wanted it."

* * *

The next afternoon, Casey found herself curled up in her hospital bed talking to her mother and sister-in-law. They'd been chatting for awhile, filling her in on her life and work. It sounded like it had become everything she'd wanted, which confused her as to why Alex would have said their dreams hadn't come true.

"Tell me something," she pried, "How have Alex and I been over the years?"

"Fine," her mother replied with a frown of concern, "Why do you ask?"

"She just seems different," Casey sighed as she lay back against the pillows.

Kim moved to the chair near the bed sensing the redhead was getting tired, "What do you mean?"

"She's close to me and loving one second, then aloof the next. I felt like it improved when we saw Gabriel together, but now I haven't heard from her since she went home. It's just concerning, and she just doesn't seem like _my_ Alex."

Kim thought her statements over, "Right now she could be busy with the kids. She went home to where Christine, Abbie and Serena have been watching them. It might have been chaotic. I'm sure she will be here soon."

"Maybe I will call her," Casey began only to scowl, "I'm just ready to go home. I want to figure this shit out."

"Time will heal these wounds," Diane stressed as she squeezed her daughter's foot. "And at least you get to see Gabriel as much as you want to."

"You are right," she replied, "I spent the morning snuggling with him. I guess I should find some peace in the fact that Alex and I clearly are in love and have a family."

"It's probably just postpartum hormones coupled with the emotional turmoil of the accident," Kim assured. "I wouldn't worry about it too much. I'm sure if something had been wrong you would have told me."

"That's true," Casey smiled at her childhood friend. "I'm so happy our silly teenage plans of you marrying my brother panned out."

"So, am I," she laughed, "Now, when do we get to go see this tiny one?"

"The nurses said I could come back at 3, so 40 minutes."

"Hey, babe," Alex's smooth voice cut through Casey's thoughts.

Rolling her head to the direction of the door, she spotted the blonde she loved most of all. And something seemed different in her wife suddenly. A look that seemed to dissolve her earlier fears.

"You look rested," Casey murmured as she moved to sit up in bed, "where've you been all day?"

"I've been working to organize your home office. You are very good at hiding things. Melanie and I have been tearing the whole place up looking for things," Alex explained as she sat on the bed next to her. Taking her wife's hand, she softened, "The children miss you. I miss you. I'm ready to find out when I can bust you out of this joint."

Feeling as if her apprehensions were unfounded, Casey smiled weakly, "I don't think Dr. Shepherd plans to free me until the dizziness is gone. Plus, who'd care for Gabriel?"

"I am happy that you were with him this morning," she said, before looking at her in laws, "and I'm happy you both could be here with Casey. I wanted to come so much earlier. Oh," she laughed, "I almost forgot," opening her purse, she pulled out a cell phone, "my mother located our car and was able to find your cellphone. Mine had to be replaced this morning, but now you and I can talk easier."

Taking the device from her wife, she flipped it over in her hands. "Wow, Apple has improved. FaceID? Oh."

Unlocking the device, Casey saw what she figured were her children on her sailboat with Alex. Everyone seemed happy, life seemed perfect. The little girl had Alex's blonde hair and looked like a mini version of her wife. Their son looked like Owen as a child, bright blue eyes and red hair.

Smiling at the gift, Casey softly said, "Thank you."

"Your welcome," Alex replied as she leaned in and kissed her wife gently. "I wanted you to have something to connect you to the world. Plus, you generally suck at deleting photos, so you should have a good two years worth of pictures on there."

"I'll be sure to check them out."

"Now," her wife changed course and addressed not only Casey, but her in-laws as well, "I need some help. Your assistant and I have been tearing the house apart looking for a jump drive that you keep blueprints on. Where would you keep it?"

"That's easy," Casey laughed. "Before I tell her do either of you have a guess?"

"Not a clue," Kim snorted, "Your desk?"

"Nope, it has been completely torn apart and put back together again," Alex answered as she looked to Diane, "Your guess?"

"I don't even know what a jump drive is!" Diane chuckled.

Casey smirked, "I'm glad to know that I'm not that predictable. The answer to your riddle, saying I still have it, in my leather attaché. There is a small pocket on the inside it's practically invisible so look closely. I keep all my jump drives there. Normally they are color coded," smirking at Alex she whispered, "Important ones are blue for your blue eyes."

Alex blushed as she chuckled, "My sweet unpredictable Casey. You absolutely still have your bag. It's in our bedroom on the chair. I can't believe I didn't check it."

And it was in that moment, looking at the smallest sign of happiness illuminate Casey's face that Alex realized the world would be okay. Her wife may have lost eight years of her memory, but deep down it was still _her_ Casey in there. And all that mattered was their love.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I haven't abandoned you all. I never could. Hell, if anything this last month has only caused more story ideas to flood my mind! Although, there might already be a line-up I have to focus on. So, I guess I'm trying to say, you at least have 5 more stories coming from me in the next months! I just have been grading an insane amount of essays, while helping my parents move and running after kids. In short, I've been tired and brain dead. But I think you'll enjoy the updates coming your way! ive had a blast planning them. :)

* * *

Standing at one end of the large mid century modern conference table of her wife's firm, Alex displayed the newest atrium designs to the four benefactors. It was the final change Casey had made before the accident, and everything depended on them liking this design.

With bated breath she stated, "As you can see, Casey added the extra glass features you desired here, here, and here."

"I can see that, Ms. Cabot, but I still think..."

"Somethings missing."

"It just seems rushed and not..."

"Elegant."

The four benefactors pieced their displeasure with the designs together as her heart sank with the information. She could pitch designs, but she wasn't an architect. Furthermore, Casey's minions couldn't take this project over, these four black suits paid for an authentic Novak design.

"When will Ms. Novak be back?"

"Is she able to make some edits to the project?"

"I just don't think it looks...like her best work."

"I'd like to see something that screams the sky is coming straight in, but with that look she sort of did for Seattle Grace, but blends the metal framework from the old atrium in somehow."

Alex smirked at the irony behind the last statement from the hellacious quartet. If only they realized how often she'd caught Casey over the last week examining that exact spot from her wheelchair in the hospital. It was as if the redhead was working out some problem mathematically in her head.

"Ms. Cabot," the elder benefactor snapped.

"Yes," she tuned back into the Alice-in-Wonderland-like four.

"When will Ms. Novak be available? No one in this office has given us an answer yet. Her construction managers have already begun working on the furthest designs. We would hope to have a clear vision by our end of two month deadline. Yet, you all keep asking for a longer continuation due to the car accident. We don't mean to seem insincere, but we hope to have it hammered out within the next few weeks."

Nodding, she began speaking, but was caught by surprise with her own words, "I will take all the feedback to her and see what she can possibly envision. I have an inkling that she might be in the exact right place mentally."

* * *

Casey lay in her hospital bed flipping through, 10,000 pictures and 300 plus videos. It was a desperate effort, but she needed to know something about her life. She needed something, to feel something. Her release was imminent, and she was beginning to feel terrible anxiety.

However, while venturing down memory lane she discovered a couple of things. One, their kids were adorable. Little Christine should have been named Little Alex. She looked just like her wife, blonde hair and striking blue eyes. She didn't doubt those eyes could speak volumes just like her wife's.

Two, Conner looked like pure mischief. Most solo pictures she had of him were silly. Her favorite was the one of him covered in what appeared to be finger paint. It was accompanied by a video of him arguing with what sounded like Alex trying to persuade him to take a bath. He was clearly displeased with the notion. Continuously stating, "No, Mommy. Mean Mommy."

And third, Alex was serious when she said her hair had been short for a long time. It had. And what amused Casey most was finding a favorite picture folder where she'd evidently stored a few pictures of Alex with her long feathery layers. The best one must have been from their wedding. Alex wore a striking white dress while standing greenery blurred like a Monet behind her. Her hair golden and so inviting, and her eyes were more captivating than ever, shining an almost marine blue. She was breathtaking, and made Casey fall in love with her all over again.

And yet, it was after finding that folder that she noticed the most shocking aspect. Her wife's smile. It seemed to have changed over the years. It went from being genuine to almost forced...at least forced in particular pictures and that's what was most disturbing.

It was pictures of them.

"Knock, knock," the jubilant voice of Dr. Amelia Shepherd crossed the doorway.

Looking her way, Casey smiled weakly. She knew _her sentence_ was coming. She just wished she was more excited. But, she would rather stay here and cuddle with Gabriel until her memory returned. He couldn't judge her for what she didn't know. In a way, they were both new here.

"Are you ready to go home?" The brunette questioned.

"Is it wrong if I say no?" Casey replied meekly.

Amelia frowned at the statement. "Are you feeling dizzy again?"

"No," she sighed as she sat up, "I feel like a stranger to this world. How am I suppose to return home...to a home I don't even know...to kids I don't know...to a job that I can't even remember what I've done!"

"Whoa," Amelia soothed as she sat on the edge of the bed, "Take a breath."

Following the simple breathing exercises they'd been working on, she watched the brunette check her vitals.

"Well the good news is your blood pressure isn't affecting your brain any longer. In other words, you are healed," Amelia smiled, "Now, as for your memory, you do know your home, kids, and accomplishments. You just don't remember them right now, but as you return to that amazing life of yours it might start to come back."

"And if it doesn't? When it gets out, my job will be toast. No one will want to hire me to design their projects any longer. Everyone wants an original, not a repeat," Casey sighed.

"I get that," Amelia sympathized, "but you should give yourself a little slack, more than likely bits and pieces will return. And I'm sure you have copies of blueprints from your projects. Take some time off work and look through them all. Remind yourself of what you did. This might turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Sometimes we forget to be creative when we get so stuck in our work. This might be your refresh button."

"Maybe," Casey sighed, "I'm just scared. My kids look cute as hell, but I don't know them. They know me, and I'm sure they are probably expecting their mother to return home and play the same games and know all their likes and dislikes, but I'm going to show up. A ghost of what they used to know."

Letting out a long sigh of her own, Amelia shook her head, "Okay, I don't normally offer so much of my personal life up in cases, but you are clearly a unique case."

Casey have her doctor a confusing look, not sure what to think by the confession.

"So," Amelia began, "My father was killed when I was five. If he had returned home and not remembered a thing about me, but have been open to being with me, I would have loved it. It's not about remembering things, it's about being present."

"You think?"

"I know," Amelia said squeezing Casey's hand, "Plus, your oldest is what six?"

"I've been told five," Casey smirked.

"Then she will at least understand that you hit your head. So use it as a lesson for her needing to always wear a helmet!"

With that Casey laughed. She was thankful to have a caring doctor like Amelia Shepherd. To be honest, she would miss her company when she went home.

She just hoped she was right about resuming her life...

* * *

Sitting in the light gray office, as the rain outside splattered the old window panes, Alex curled her long legs under her. Staring into the hazel eyes of her marriage counselor, she tried to gauge the woman's thoughts.

Alex did not like guessing what people were thinking.

"So what do you think? Should I tell her?" she nervously asked.

"What do you expect to gain from telling her?" her counselor, Violet Turner, questioned.

"The truth. I don't want to lie and keep things hidden."

"Are you sure that's what you are trying to gain?"

Alex frowned. She didn't know if she understood the question exactly as it was intended. "Can you elaborate?"

Violet sighed, as she straightened herself in the armchair. She'd been working with Alex and her wife for the last year and a half. It had been the same merri-go-round with each appointment. Alex felt that Casey worked too much, and Casey would always admit she did, but that she couldn't live without her work. Inevitably, it would always end the same, with her asking Casey what she really wanted in life. The redhead's response was always Alex and work.

"What I'm asking is, are you trying to absolve your guilt of asking for a divorce now that you know what Casey's intentions really were?"

The question left Alex speechless. It was something she hadn't really thought about. After a moment of thought she replied, "Maybe?"

Violet nodded, "That is what I fear. And it's not Casey's job to absolve you of said guilt, especially in her current state of mind. If her memory returns you can address it then, in the meantime focus on her, and your new baby."

"What if her memory returns and she gets upset?"

"You will cross that bridge at that time," she replied taking in the anxiety filled blonde, "Let me ask you this, what was your plan when you asked for the divorce?"

"I didn't have a plan," Alex admitted weakly, "At the time, I was hurting and upset. I'd been toying with the idea for weeks, and that night I was so angry. She'd invited me to our favorite restaurant for a romantic dinner, and as usual left me for 30 minutes to take a work call. I felt rejected. She'd never hinted at her plans, and I guess I can't even be sure now if she'd go through with those plans..."

"So, then why are you so afraid of the future?"

Finally, Alex looked up at her with confidence, "Because now I know how close I came to really losing her. I'd rather have pieces of her always than a lifetime without her."

"So, asking for a divorce was what?"

"I guess a scare tactic as immature as that sounds," Alex said as she rolled her eyes at her own ridiculousness, "I just wanted her to know that I was done with being put on the back burner all the time, and not just for me, but our kids too. Hell, she was the whole reason we started down the path to have children, then she left everything to me..."

Violet could see the same frustrations beginning to build below the surface. "And what do you plan to do if she stays same old Casey? Right now you say you are taking comfort in the fact that she is still herself even if she's lost 8 years. That means she's still a workaholic."

"Just love her. It's all I can do," Alex softly admitted, "The difference now is I know exactly what the kids and me mean to her. That's what was missing. I just needed to know that she loved us."

As she finished her words she looked into Violet's eyes. "And now you feel that you understand. You needed the full confirmation."

"Yes," Alex nodded.

"Okay," Violet began as she straightened herself, "I want you to really hear what I'm about to say."

Alex frowned, she felt like she was about to have a come to Jesus, "Okay..."

"Casey's a workaholic, a workaholic that loves her wife and kids," the therapist began, "So, you are fully recognizing that even with her love being deep and pure that she will most likely always fail to meet your expectations of putting work on the back burner."

Placing her head on a hand, she scowled at the doctor, "It sucks, but I think it's my wounds from childhood that need to heal. Casey was always work obsessed."

"Good," Violet said, "Now you can make progress in marriage counseling."

Staring at the curly haired woman, Alex sat up, "Can I enjoy the fact though that she doesn't take work calls currently while we eat dinner?"

Chuckling at the request, the brunette nodded, "Absolutely, and that is one thing that when it starts up again we can work through."

"Good," Alex admitted.

She was ready to get Casey home and feel at peace in life. And this was what she needed, to work out all her feelings. To not feel like an evil harpy for asking for a divorce when she was hormonal and weak. To let go of all her guilt. And now she felt like she had a compass to help her through the fog.

* * *

Late that afternoon, Casey found herself staring at the outside of Seattle Grace from Alex's Volvo station wagon. Touching the glass of the window, she mouthed a silent goodbye to their son, as her wife pulled out into traffic. She was taking Casey home, even if the redhead didn't know where that exactly was anymore.

"When did you trade for the wagon over your sporty sedan?" Casey attempted small talk.

"When we got pregnant with Christine," Alex answered easily, "You kept your sedan, until recently..."

"Really, what did I get?"

Alex pursed her lips, "You traded up for an SUV. So, we could cart our family of five. But we will have to go pick out a new one soon..."

"Why?" Casey asked only to hold a hand up to stop the forthcoming reminder, "Never mind, I know that answer."

"Yeah," Alex sighed. Attempting to change conversation she transitioned, "Are you ready to go home?"

"I don't even know where home is..."

"Want me to tell you about it?"

"Sure," Casey mumbled as she watched the city pass by the window.

"Well, it's a penthouse condo that overlooks the city and bay. Huge expansive windows that you love standing in, always looking for your next project. It's architecture is very modern...and this insanely sexy architect built it..."

As she finished and pulled to a stop light she looked to her overwhelmed wife, "You built it, Casey."

"I don't remember," Casey stated flatly as she looked to the blonde, "How will I work if I can't remember what I've done?"

"I'm going to help you until you have the hang of things," she assured, "Until you are comfortable in handling things on your own. Plus, it turns out you just have to fix one project, then you have a year off. So, you can spend time relearning your work if need be."

"Why would I take a year off?" Casey scoffed, "Career suicide much."

Alex felt a familiar knot twist in her gut but she pushed it down trying to remember Violet's words, "Because the current project you have taken on is a major one. It requires a lot of time and effort. And I'd love for you to look over some blueprints when you feel up to it."

Seeing a large building come into view, Casey lost track of their conversation. It was modern, sleek, with green spaces built in at varying levels. It looked just like something she'd dreamt of building for years. Always a thought, never an actual building. "That's it, isn't it," she more stated than questioned.

"Yes," Alex confirmed as she led them into the parking garage.

As they found their designated space and vacated the car, Casey was silent. It was like watching a dream come to life with every step. And no, it wasn't a memory returning, just watching a long term fantasy come to life.

Following Alex quietly, she let her wife take her to the elevator, leading her up to their penthouse. It seemed to be quicker than she would have imagined, yet as the lift slowed to a stop, she grasped her wife's hand. Nerves began to overtake her. This wasn't an exploration into a project any longer, it was becoming real.

With the doors opening, she let Alexandra lead her off the elevator and down the hallway to their home. Examining the door, she frowned, "I wouldn't have imagined such a stately door for this building...was that the developers request?"

"Mine," Alex admitted. "Since the penthouses don't share floor access you were able to slide it through."

"Now that would make sense," Casey nodded as the door opened, immediately letting her into their most private lives.

Swallowing thickly, she crossed the threshold, instantly met with squeals from children expecting her arrival. A little blonde haired girl came rushing around the corner to give her a big hug, as a little chunk of a red haired boy followed behind her. They each took a leg of hers as she patted their heads not fully sure how to react.

Seeing her mother and Big Christine come around the corner, she smiled at familiarity, as she forced out a, "Hey guys, I missed you all too. Have you been having fun with your grandmothers?"

"Yes!" Little Chris exclaimed before pouncing on a more in depth chance of questioning as Conner pulled at her hands begging to be picked up.

"One second, Christine," Casey paused as she looked down into her son's eyes, instantly caving she picked him up, letting him envelop her in a hug as he played with her long red curls. He was warm, and real in her arms. He was part of her, and she could feel herself almost instantly fall in love with him as she had Gabriel.

Looking to her daughter, she gave the little one her attention again, "Okay, what was your question."

"Mommy, said you bumped your head in the accident. She said you can't wemember things."

Catching the lack of 'r,' Casey smiled at the young girl. "Yes, Mommy is right, I can't remember things. But she told me that you might be able to help me find my way. Is that true?"

"Yes," Little Chris beamed, "Want me to show you our house?"

"Sure," Casey replied giving Alex wide eyes.

"Chris, take Mama to see your rooms first. I'm going to get her things from the car," Alex told the little one as Casey followed their daughter.

Passing by her mother, Casey paused to give her and Big Chris a hug. "Do you want us to take him?" Diane asked.

Looking into her son's pleading eyes, Casey shook her head no, "Do you want to go with your sis and me, Connie Boy?"

"Yes," he whispered as he laid his head back against her chest gripping her hair in his chunky hands.

"Casey," her mother pried, "Are you remembering things?"

"What do you mean?" She questioned.

"You called him Connie Boy," Big Christine stated.

"Oh," Casey shrugged, "I don't know, it just seemed normal. My grandmother called my dad that."

"Mama," Little Chris sighed, "I want to show you around."

Looking to her daughter she beamed, "And you are just as impatient as your Mommy. Okay, my love, show me around."

Following her daughter from room to room, she began seeing what her architecture style had become, as well as their messy lives. It was very modern, sleek and full of light and views, and kids toys. Perfect for the emerald city and them.

As the little blonde led her into the living room and away from the children's area, she was met full on with Alex's design style. Elegant and tasteful, very Cabot neat. One wall had been trimmed in wood, and on it countless family pictures had been hung. It was a stunning array of their lives together.

"And this is where you sleep, Mama," Little Chris explained as she walked to a door off another hall. Yet, Casey's eyes were drawn to another door, one off the living room.

"Hey, what's behind that door?" Casey asked.

"That's where you work, but I can't go in there."

"Why?" Casey questioned as she walked towards that door instead.

"Mama, I'm taking you here!" The young girl rebuffed.

"Christine," Diane corrected having kept a watchful eye for Casey's sake, "If your mother wants to look through that door, go with her."

"I'm not allowed," the little blonde said looking crushed.

The sight of her distraught child, pulled at Casey's heart. "Hey kiddo," Casey said with her hand on the door knob, "Whose rules were those?"

"Your's," she said looking into her mother's eyes.

"Well, I don't remember them, so lead the way," with that she pushed the door open and waited on her daughter to lead the way.

The little girl didn't need to be asked twice, she quickly bolted to the forbidden space. A room that caused Casey to set her son down to examine all its worldly contents. Blueprints in tubes, architect books, magazines, a magnificent table. She couldn't have dreamt up a better space to work. And on the table lay a huge blueprint of what appeared to be an atrium of some sort, covered in post-it's full of complaints on the design.

"I see you found your favorite room," Alex's voice crossed the space. "You two munchkins know you aren't supposed to be in here."

"Mama said," Conner asserted as he pointed his hand towards his grown accomplice.

"I gave them permission," Casey waved a hand as she looked at the notes and picked her work apart like a giant mental puzzle. "Is this what you wanted me to look at?"

"Yes," Alex sighed, "But let's get you comfortable and fed before you start working."

Looking the last post-it over, Casey stuck it down on the map. Examining the design one last time before turning to her wife who was now holding Christine. "Okay, what's for dinner?"

The two look alike blonde's stared at her in shock. Shaking her head slightly, Alex answered, "Your mother made chicken and dumplings, if you'd like something lighter it can be arranged though."

"Hell no," Casey snorted, "That's my favorite."

"That's what I expected you to say," Alex laughed, as she walked to her wife and kissed her lightly, "I'm so happy to have you home."

"Me too," Little Chris exclaimed as she transferred herself from Alex's arms to Casey's.

Holding her daughter, Casey examined the bookshelves as she vacated the home office and finally headed to her bedroom. Placing the small girl down, she instructed, "Okay, show me my room."

The smile on her daughter's face was worth every moment of the tour. She no doubt had fallen for all three of their children.

* * *

That evening after the mothers had left, kids had been put to bed, and it was just the two of them awake in their bedroom, they settled into normal existence. Casey watching television in bed while Alex took a bath. Yet, soon the redhead found herself longing for more, standing in the doorway of their bathroom, watching her wife reading in the tub.

It seemed like just yesterday that she watched this same woman reading in a tub in a completely different home. Same left leg splayed on the tub wall as she lay immersed in bubbles and warm water, so engrossed in what she was reading that she didn't hear Casey's arrival. This had been the normal in their lives. This was comforting.

Removing her clothes, Casey moved to the tub, suddenly gaining her wife's attention. Tossing the book to the bathroom floor, Alex scooted back in the water, giving Casey room to join her.

"This is a welcome surprise," she purred as Casey slipped into the water, "You don't normally do baths."

"I wanted to be with you," the redhead admitted, as she moved into her wife's arms kissing her gently.

Turning her wife against her, Alex wrapped her arms across Casey's chest holding her, feeling her heartbeat, as she watched the redhead play with the faucet with her toes. Both of their stitches were gone, they were healed so to speak, but she still felt as if Casey could vanish at any moment. It was an overwhelming fear.

Flashes of firefighters pulling a limp Casey from the wreckage, caused her to grip her wife tighter as a sob escaped her lips. She didn't want to cry, her tears from the accident had long since dried up as the hormones dissipated, but she felt as if she couldn't control them. In an instant, Casey had turned in her arms, kissing tears away and attempting to soothe wounds she didn't understand.

"What is it, Lex, tell me," she questioned.

"I thought you were...when they pulled you out..." she couldn't say the words, they were too painful, "then there was no guarantee...and yet, here you are with me..."

Nodding in some sort of understanding, Casey wiped the tears from the blonde's eyes. "I'll be here with you always," she answered as she placed another kiss to her wife's lips, running her tongue along Alex's bottom one asking for more, sighing into her mouth when it was granted.

She loved to feel her wife against her. She loved the desperation that she felt in her touch. All of it combined made her want her even closer. Breaking the kiss, she saw the same desire in those piercing blue eyes.

Standing she stepped from the tub, holding a hand out to Alex who took it without a second thought. Leading her to their bed, she guided her down onto the fine linens. Neither woman cared about their tub soaked frames. They needed this moment.

Climbing on top of her warm perfect body, Casey relished the sharp inhale of the blonde. Kissing her lips, she took pleasure in feeling her Alex's hands pulling her closer. She felt like it had been forever since she'd touched her wife, and she was ready to make up for lost time.

Kissing her way down Alex's neck, she felt herself growing hotter with every whimper that escaped her. Kissing her way down across her chest she took a taut nipple in her mouth. Rolling her tongue over it, relishing the feeling of Alex writhing under her. She loved to draw their lovemaking out even if it drove the blonde wild. Yet, it didn't take long for Alex to take charge, flipping them over, as she moved to straddle the redhead.

Watching her wife bite her lip in anticipation, Casey drank her stunning figure up, gasping as Alex ground lightly over her stomach letting her see how turned on she already was, "That was quick."

"It's been a long time," Alex admitted sheepishly.

"Well," Casey said as she grasped the back of Alex's thighs and began pulling her forward, "That ends tonight."

Watching as Casey positioned her over her mouth, Alex gasped as she felt that familiar hot bubblegum tongue move with deft precision through her slick folds. Ever so slowly moving to where she needed her most. Casey knew exactly how to tease her to the edge and pull back, repeating the process until she would beg for release. She just prayed for mercy tonight.

"Casey, please," she gasped trying to speed her release along.

The redhead laughed against her most sensitive flesh, as she continued her lazy ascent to Alex's throbbing bud. She had no intentions of going quick, yet as she lightly ran the tip of her tongue over the throbbing marble the hiss that escaped her wife's lips followed by her throwing her head back in pleasure told her it was a loss cause. This woman needed her now.

Sucking her clit into her mouth, Casey ran her tongue over it in massaging pressure filled circles until she felt Alex press into her mouth as small gasps turned to desperate pants. It was her tell-tale sign that she was nearing the edge, and the moment Casey would usually break contact to draw the process out, yet she took pity on the blonde and switched to fast flicks over the bundle of nerves knowing that was exactly what the blonde needed for release. In mere seconds, she felt Alex's muscles contract against her mouth, as moans escaped the gorgeous woman perched over her. She only slowed when Alex began to quiet, letting her down gently.

Watching as the blonde fell softly to the bed, Casey laughed, "You weren't kidding about the time. You came in under five minutes."

"Yeah, yeah," Alex hummed as she pulled Casey up to her lap, "let's talk about our past sex life later."

"Gladly," she replied as she kissed her passionately, loving how Alex was always quick to want to reciprocate. Feeling her wife's hands slip between them and to her own throbbing center, Casey couldn't help but grind against them.

Breaking lip contact, Alex hummed, "What do you want?"

"You," was all she replied as she moved back, having Alex move to a seated position, before turning around and laying in her arms.

The blonde wasted no time in recapturing Casey's lips as her hands moved to play with her nipples. She loved how responsive the redhead was to having them toyed with and relished the gasps of pleasure into her mouth. Keeping one hand busy, she let her right one slide down the redhead's toned abdomen to her glistening center, letting her fingers brush right over Casey's swollen clit and straight into wet slick heat.

The moan that exploded against her lips was enough to almost make her come again. They hadn't made love like this in a long time, and now she was wondering why they'd ever stopped. Feeling Casey readjust in her arms to give her more access, she wasted no time finding that spot inside that drove the redhead wild. Moving her fingers against it, pressing into it, enjoying the sensation of her walls tightening as she gasped against her lips.

Feeling Casey tremble wildly in her arms, as incoherent words and sounds began to escape her mouth, Alex hooked her fingers feeling the redhead clench against them, as she begged for release. Pumping her fingers faster, Alex took in the vision of her wife coming undone. A slur of words indicating her pleasure as she spasmed against her fingers. It was a beautiful sight, something only she was allowed to witness, and only when her orgasm fully passed did Alex slowly move her hands away to hold her wife.

They lay there in silent reverie for awhile. Just listening to each other breathe, letting themselves come back down to earth. No words needed to be spoken, the love between them was enough. They'd needed this closeness, this moment to rejuvenate and feel whole together again.

Only when sleep began to steal the night, did they get cleaned up. Changing, and quickly returning to their bed. Alex took pleasure and security in feeling Casey move under the covers to take her back into her arms.

"I have a confession," she breathed.

Casey hummed, "What's that?"

"I'm really liking this version of you," she chuckled.

"Am I better in bed?" The sleepy redhead joked.

"You are just less distracted and more attentive." Alex admitted in a soft but honest tone. "And I wouldn't mind more sex like tonight."

"Well, I will work to keep all of the above in mind," Casey replied. "By the way," she yawned, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For giving me three beautiful children. I was so worried that I wouldn't feel something for them, but I can honestly say I'm in love with all three."

Alex didn't respond, she just shook her head in understanding. Loving how her wife pulled her even closer.

"Oh, and remind me to show you the changes I made to the blueprints in the morning," she said as she snuggled in deeper, "I hope you don't mind. I marked them up based on the post-it's while you were bathing the kids. I hope they are what you all were looking for," she paused with another long yawn, "It just seemed to be right there, so I corrected it all."

And there it was...Casey and her work. Yet, this time it caused Alex to smile, because at least now she had her wife and kids, while her wife also worked. She didn't mind having it all. She just hoped in someways that the old workaholic Casey might never return...


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: The wait is over! Testing is finished, my extra course is almost complete, and oh the time I have to write is growing...Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and thank you for your wonderful patience with these last months.

Oh, and I finally have the next chapter for Faces and Fire mapped out. Fire will be out next. :)

I'd also like to say an extra thank you to my friend, LEArtemis for helping me navigate the end of this chapter. She did some pre-reading to let me know how it was going and it was super appreciated. :)

* * *

Casey stood on the green grass, entranced by the flashing of the green light. The dark blue skies above, waves rolling up on the shore, and wind whipping her long, curled, red hair around...something about it was calling to her, yet she couldn't place it. Squinting towards the flashing, she tried to focus on its shape.

It's electric quality seemed to illuminate the sky, calling to her, trying to tell her something. Her heart beat a thousand miles a minute as she tried to finds its message, but before she could pick it apart the scenery changed.

The light was gone, she took a deep, calming breath, enjoying the mixture of salt and evergreen. A sense of knowing filled her. This was it the moment she'd been waiting for, and then she saw her bride.

Those marine blue eyes that matched the sky. That stunning white lace dress. Her long blonde hair that always begged for Casey to run her fingers through it, those red lips that she always wanted to kiss.

Alexandra Cabot was breathtaking.

And in that moment, Casey found herself at peace. It was as if only she and Alex existed. Taking the hands of the woman she loved she whispered, "This is it."

Alex's smile grew wider as she replied, "This is the start of our forever."

Yet, as a feeling of warmth coursed through her, the world changed yet again...

This time the colors faded away. Everything was black and rain began to fall. Then the green light reappeared.

Flashing above her.

It was as if it was calling to her. Trying to tell her something in Morse code. Leaning over the steering wheel she tried to read its patterns through the rain, unsure of when she'd gotten in the car, but it was too difficult to focus.

Then she heard her. Sitting back she looked into her wife's eyes. She'd changed so much in a few seconds. It made Casey's head swim as she saw those red lips moving. She could tell Alex was upset about something, the hurt was evident in her eyes.

And in that moment she felt like someone was trying to suffocate her. Like hands were covering her mouth and nose. She wanted to breathe but she couldn't. Her heart pounded frantically in her chest, and Alex just kept talking but she couldn't make the words out.

Then the world was silent except for the sound of rain and what seemed like a ticking of that green light.

Feeling like death was upon her, she tried to grasp at anything to save her. "I love you, Alexandra," finally falling from her lips.

But, the look on her wife's face morphed to panic as she cried, "Casey!" And screams mixed with a baby's cries filled the air, everything going black in an instant...

* * *

Alex sat in the armchair in her bedroom feeding their new baby. He was still so small, and at some moments, she felt like he didn't quite belong at home just yet. Watching her wife moving in their bed she smiled at the newborn.

"I think Mama is dreaming."

At the sound of her voice, the little one opened his eyes trying to focus on its source. "Here I am, Gabriel," she cooed, "You look just like your Mama. Some days I think we should have named you Little Casey!"

Suddenly, Casey's screams filled the air, startling her and causing the baby to cry. "Shh," Alex tried to soothe as she set their child down quickly moving to the bedside, "Case, wake up," she said as she touched the redhead's arm only for her to jerk awake with a start.

Wide-eyed Casey stared at the ceiling before letting her gaze fall to an alarmed Alex. She could hear their baby crying unhappily from his bassinet as she looked at her wife.

The dream had seemed so real. Yet, now she found herself face to face with the blonde. Touching her face she tried to calm herself. "It was a dream, just a dream..."

"Are you okay?" Alex questioned as she kissed her head and left to gather the fussing baby.

"Yeah," Casey mumbled as she moved to sit upright, "It was our wedding, and I think we were in the car..."

Alex froze at the revelation, "Were you remembering our wedding?"

"I think so," she replied as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed, "You looked like a picture on my phone, and we said something..." she paused trying to remember it, "This is it."

"This is the start of our forever," Alex finished quietly, as she moved to the bed with Gabe in her arms.

Looking to the blonde, Casey probed, "So, it was a real memory?"

Alex could feel her insides twist at the question, "Yes, we actually said that to each other at our wedding."

"The car?"

And here was the quandary she dreaded, "What happened in your dream?"

"It was confusing; lots of flashing lights, then our wedding...and darkness...flashing lights, rain...we were in a car and you were talking but...I couldn't hear you."

The memory of the dream was becoming foggy fast. She fought to hold onto the thoughts working to piece the bits together, but it was fading rapidly. Instead, she focused on what she did remember.

Looking to Alex, she took in the beautiful scene unfolding before her. The blonde snuggling their small baby. The amount of love flowing between mother and child was spectacular.

"I'm so happy this is our forever," she whispered.

Alex looked to her, those marine eyes taking her in, "So am I."

Scooting over to her wife's side, Casey lay her head on Alex's leg. She needed to be close. She needed to know life was going to be fine after whatever that dream was...

* * *

"Casey," Alex called from the bedroom as the redhead sat on the living room floor with their children. "Are you sure you'll be okay watching all three kids while I'm at this meeting?"

"I think so," Casey admitted, "Abbie said she'd come by to help if needed. How long are you going to be gone?"

"A couple of hours, maybe..." Alex replied as she slipped on her heels, "I don't know how you deal with these shoes. They are so annoying."

"Want me to go?"

Alex frowned, "I'd let you, but we can't risk anyone discovering your memory loss."

"Oh, yeah, that..." She grumbled as she fell back against the couch. "How could I forget."

Moving to the pack n' play, Alex looked in on their youngest before glancing back at her wife. "Are you sure you will be okay? I'm just a phone call away."

Standing, Casey moved to the door, allowing for Alex to follow. Watching her wife kiss their older children goodbye she took in the blonde's appearance. She was stunning in her gray pencil skirt and black long sleeved blouse. She looked so professional and it was a sexy look on her. As she came closer, Casey didn't hesitate to take her by the waist and pull her close.

"You look beautiful today."

"Thank you," Alex smirked before placing her soft lips to Casey's, taking a moment to deepen the intimate touch. As they separated, she stared into those green eyes that drove her mad, "I love you."

"I love you too," Casey whispered as she moved to the door, "I'll call you if I need you."

"Okay," Alex laughed as she collected her bags. "See you soon."

Watching her wife leave, Casey suddenly felt out of place, as if the roles should be reversed. Turning back to face her children, she wondered what it was she used to do with them. The baby was simple, but Christine and Conner were another subject.

* * *

"What do you mean they cancelled?" Alex snapped as she paced her wife's faux office. She'd taken to using it as her own while managing the firm while she was out. "We are ready for this meeting. This is unacceptable."

"Well, get used to it," Melanie said as she sighed and turned to leave.

"Does this happen to Casey?" Alex called across the room.

"No, clients wait for her," the younger woman explained as she turned to face the older blonde, "You are not her."

"Well, the Wonderland four are going to have to get over that right now," Alex snapped.

"Alex," Melanie argued, "We are going to have to bring Casey in, they are demanding her presence. If we keep putting them off they'll back out."

"They don't get to control this situation," she spat, "if we cave and something goes wrong it could ruin her!"

"It's a chance we are going to have to take! We can afford for them to back out on this deal, that would ruin the firm too!" The younger assistant bit back. "This is my career as well, I'm not going to let your poor decisions destroy it."

"I'm trying to protect my wife!"

"Then let her come explain the plans. They want to hear her ideas as the architect, not yours," Melanie argued.

Alex sat on the edge of the desk staring out the large windows over looking the bay, "They will see through her...it's Russian roulette."

"It's a risk that has to be taken."

Alex scowled at the younger blonde, "I don't like it."

"Well, get used to it, because it's happening," Melanie deadpanned. "Go home and get her. We can spend the afternoon prepping her and I will reschedule it for tomorrow."

Alex let her head fall in frustration as Melanie left her to her thoughts. She felt terrified of this move. If something happened to Novak Architecture they would be crushed financially. They had investments and savings, but between their existing debts and the mounting hospital bills they would be struggling.

Placing her hands over her face, she quickly prayed for guidance. She needed as much strength and direction that she could get. She only hoped Casey was having an easier time at home.

* * *

Casey sat in her daughter's room reading the little blonde the story of Alice in Wonderland, while Conner took his afternoon nap and Gabe lay swaddled in his Moses basket next to them. It had been a busy afternoon of playing pirates and princess, feedings for the new little one, lunch for the older two, and now she was ready for her own nap.

The hope that Alex would return home soon was dwindling, and eventually she'd text Abbie for support. It was exhausting healing from a brain injury and she was in much need of a break. She needed quiet and a moment to recharge.

"It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change," Casey read only to close the book slightly and look up towards the young child's mirror to see her own reflection. The action caused causing the little girl to look up at her.

"Mama, what is it?" Christine asked in a very Alex like manner.

Looking down at the little blonde, Casey brushed her fingers through the child's hair. "I just can relate to Alice that's all."

The child frowned, "What do you mean?"

"Well," Casey pondered, "I cant remember a lot of stuff. Like, I didn't remember how to play pirates and princess earlier today and you had to teach me."

With this information the little girl giggled, "That's silly."

Raising an eyebrow, she questioned, "Why is that silly?"

"Because you never played it with us before, only Mommy."

As the child finished her statement, she stood to go get a doll from her toy bin. Casey watched the little girl move around her bedroom. Her answer was perplexing.

"So, what did I play with you?"

"You work," Christine replied absentmindedly as she climbed back up on Casey's lap with her doll, "Mommy plays. Can you keep reading now?"

Casey was so confused and feeling more like Alice by the minute. "Okay, let's read," she said leaning back in the rocking chair.

Yet before she could get too much further into the story, she heard the doorbell. "I bet that's Abbie," she groaned as she stood to investigate.

Walking through the apartment, Casey paused briefly, looking out over the bay at the early afternoon sun. It seemed like her wife had been gone for hours. The time apart made her yearn for Alex's touch.

Moving to the door, Casey sighed. She was so tired and wanted to take a nap. Opening the door, she greeted her Texan friend, "Carmichael."

"Novak!" Abbie laughed taking her into a brief hug, "I'm happy to see you well and amongst the sane. Good to see your first solo time with the bambinos' didn't chase you off."

"Yeah," Casey replied running a hand through her hair finding the shaved spot from her surgery. The scar was still as fresh as her lacking memories. "I guess I don't do this often..." she muttered as she closed the door and led the way to the living room.

Abbie observed the redhead as she navigated herself to the couch. Casey looked weak and worn. She was really concerned about her state, "Has it been rough today?"

"I just don't know," Casey grumbled. "I guess I am ready for Alex to come home."

"Well, it looks like not much has changed," Abbie sighed sitting on the chair opposite the sofa.

Glaring at her friend, Casey questioned, "What does that mean?"

"I don't mean it in a negative way," Abbie defended, "Alex just always does the majority of the parenting because you are working. The difference now is you are recovering."

"Well, I want Alex home for other reasons."

Abbie frowned, she could see something major was bothering her friend, "What's wrong? You can tell me."

Sitting up, Casey looked towards the children's rooms. Ensuring they were no where in earshot, she whispered, "I love them. I do and I don't even know them. But," she paused fighting to pick the right words.

"You feel lost," Abbie offered.

"Yes!" Casey exclaimed. "Alex is my compass. I know everything is okay when she is around."

"I feel that way with Rena," the brunette sympathized.

"I just don't get why I didn't do more with the kids...I mean I asked Christine what we used to play and she said we didn't, why?"

"Because you were becoming a famous architect," Abbie deadpanned. "Your kind of career doesn't come to just anyone. You have to work for that level of success."

Casey lay flat on the couch staring at the ceiling, "It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change..."

"Okay, Alice," Abbie smirked.

"I'm serious though," Casey whispered as the front door opened causing her to jerk.

"It's Alex," Abbie offered.

"Thank God," Casey mumbled settling back into the couch.

"Hey," the blonde called from the entry way seeing Abbie seated in the living room. Hanging her coat, she made her way towards the sitting space, "Is she napping?"

"No," Casey replied, "She's thinking about how lost she feels."

"Well," Alex said leaning over the couch.

Casey looked up at her wife. A calming sensation rushed through her at the sight of the magical woman she had the pleasure of calling her wife. Blonde hair falling down towards her, blue eyes playfully gazing upon her. Love did not explain how she felt about this woman.

"I might have the perfect remedy for feeling lost," Alex began, "If you aren't too tired how would you feel about going to work today."

Casey continued to stare into those playful blue eyes. "Can I?"

"Yes, if you feel up to it."

"I want to feel normal again," Casey whispered, "Please take me."

It pained her to know that being in their home didn't make her wife feel normal, but she needed to be the strong one now. Smiling, she replied, "Then let's go."

* * *

Walking down the hallways of Novak Architecture, Casey found herself beginning to feel very overwhelmed with emotions. She periodically would see familiar faces, but the entire office building was something new to her. The last she could remember about work, she was working in a small rented office space. This building was something grand and had clearly been designed by her.

Seeing her name tagged on the wall, she let out a sigh of relief, "I'm glad we are here already."

"Whoa," Melanie interrupted. "This is not your office."

"Then why does it say my name on the door?" The redhead questioned.

"Because it's your fake office," Alex explained, "You couldn't take clients into you usual workspace."

Casey bit her lip trying to figure out why. Finally she recognized the problem, "Too messy?"

"Absolutely," both blonde's replied.

"Smart," Casey sighed, "So where is it?"

"Down this way," Alex said leading her further down the hall to a corner suite. With each passing step her heart pounded harder in her chest. She'd be lying if she didn't say she feared that Casey would realize that work was more important to her, but she also feared that she might suffer a setback in her recovery by pushing herself too fast.

Reaching the door, she took the handle, "This is your real space," she said revealing the cluttered area.

Yet, Casey smiled brightly as she scanned the room. Finally, something seemed normal, "Now, this looks like me."

"Great, one annoying chaotic mess makes my boss feel normal," Melanie sighed earning a stare of disapproval from Alex. "Oh come on, it's the truth and you know it!"

"I love it," Casey said as she walked into the mayhem, running her fingertips over rolled blueprints scattered across her large desk, "it feels so me..."

"Good," Alex forced out with a pained grin, "now we have to begin prepping for tomorrow..."

"What's tomorrow?" Casey asked as she walked to the floor to ceiling windows looking over the harbor. "I can see why I built this here."

"You loved watching the boats go by when you were stressed," Alex explained as Melanie interrupted.

"Tomorrow you have to go in front of the museum benefactors. You have to pitch your latest designs to them for their approval."

"Can I do that?"

"You have to," Melanie affirmed, "If you don't they are going to pull the project which will cost Novak Architecture millions."

Alex didn't hesitate to scowl at the pushy assistant. "However, we don't want to freak you out. The goal is to just have you prepped on the designs so you can answer questions for them."

Casey looked between the two women before scanning the disarray again. Finally, she looked up, "Okay, let's get started."

* * *

A few hours later, Alex found herself lounging back in 'her' office looking out on the harbor while fiddling with her pendent locket. It was a peaceful scene with the sun falling low in the sky, and it made it easy for her mind to wander. She found herself replaying the vision of her wife seeming so at peace nose deep in blueprints and sketches.

Sighing, she turned in the fancy desk chair to view the space she'd designed years earlier. It was so sterile in comparison to Casey's real office. Her wife's was cluttered and in complete disarray. Casey could happily live with laundry in piles and sketches of work scattered about, it was one reason why Alex had made the concession when they first moved in together to do all the laundry if Casey could do her work in one closed off room. The agreement had made their lives a success.

And then they had kids and everything changed...

Casey's passion began to weigh on her in ways she'd never imagined possible. Alex had yearned to have a partner as involved in their family as she was, but she hadn't really stopped to think about the fact that it was her wife's passion that had attracted her in the first place. Although, it was still Casey's request and want to have kids that had led them to parenthood.

Glancing at the family picture on the desk, Alex sighed, "What happened to us?"

Turning again in the chair, Alex looked back over the water, she could easily see how her sea loving wife would enjoy the view so much. When stressed, it must have reminded her of being out on the water, another one of Casey's passions. She just wondered where she and the kids fell on that list.

"Hey gorgeous," her wife's smooth words derailed her thoughts instantly replacing them with a bright smile on her face.

Spinning in her direction, Alex could quickly see the change. Casey stood a little taller, her eyes brighter, and that goofy grin that could stop her dead in her tracks was back. "Hi," was all she could manage; it was like seeing a ghost.

"So," she began as she walked in the room, "I've reviewed everything, and I think I'm ready for these folks tomorrow. I even have some new ideas for other areas that I think they'll appreciate." As she finished, she sat on the edge of the desk in front of Alex.

Peering up at the redhead, Alex questioned, "Are you sure you'll be able to handle it?"

"Absolutely," she replied, "I've got this, I know it."

"Do you mind if I come?" Alex asked suddenly fearing her presence would no longer be needed.

"Ha!" Casey laughed as she stood and pulled her wife up into her arms, "You've always been welcome."

Pausing for a moment at the words, Alex stared into those mischievous shamrock eyes. She wanted to question her bride, but in that moment she choose to lean in and capture her full inviting lips instead...

* * *

Arriving home that evening, Casey let her Alex go ahead. Taking a moment at the door, she hesitated feeling some form of familiarity take over. She couldn't exactly place it, but if she had to describe it she would have said it was like deja vu.

Then as she crossed the threshold she heard their squeals of excitement, looking up to see two animated children rushing forward with a beaming Alex holding Gabe behind them. It was her family, her beautiful family, and they were happy to have her home with them.

Yet, in that same instance the scene changed. It was as quick as a green flash, but everything changed. The children were still bouncing forward, but Alex was different.

The smile was absent. Her look was more of disdain than love, and Casey could feel a twinge of guilt towards it...

But then it was gone, and here her happy family was before her again. The thought briefly fled her memory as they dashed into her arms, and in that instance she realized one thing.

These were her children and her love for them was endless.

Looking to Alex, as she clutched them close, she realized her wife had given her everything important and meaningful. It was a blessing she didn't know if she could ever repay. All she could do was mouth a, "thank you," as the blonde beamed and continued to rock their baby. And to Casey, life seemed perfect in that moment.

Yet even in that perfection, Casey couldn't help but wonder about their past...


End file.
